Notions

Every now and then (about every 6 months) I get the idea to do something crafty. No, not crafty like knock over a liquor store or steal a car. Crafty as in some hand done craft. I generally get the idea from a Family Fun magazine, or some Martha Stewart article. Martha says its "so simple"... I say "bulls**** Martha, complete and utter bulls***". Yet, I have found no way to tame this urge to craft, even though I have very little craftability. I am like salmon swimming upstream to spawn, its is a primal urge. My latest endeavor was to make a tulle head band and/or tutu in festive red, white, and blue. Not for me, for a very special young girl who has more faith in my craftiness (a misguided youthful faith). Armed with my torn out magazine page I went to the fabric and craft superstore (seriously, two levels of all manner of raw materials for the true crafter). I walk in and immediately know that I am a fish out of water. I am always out of place in the craft superstore, so I immediately seek out the nearest sales associate to help me find the items I need (only three items, easy right?). The competent craft sales lady looks at the torn sheet of paper and says, "You will find all of these things upstairs in Notions". Notions? What? I have not a notion what a "notion" might be. Clearly I am having notions of crafting grandeur. Nonetheless, I make my way to level two of the craft emporium, and sure enough there is a sign hanging from the ceiling labeled "Notions". Browsing this section I do find one of the items I need, but not the correct colors of 6" tulle ribbon, a key item for the project. In yet another walk of shame, I find an upstairs sales associate, show her my sad, wrinkled, torn out magazine page and tell her the colors of tulle ribbon I need. She informs me I will have to get the tulle off a bolt of tulle in the fabric department. At this point the magnitude of this project has fully bathed my spirit, in complete dread. I am a whole lot of things, but "craft lady", is not one. At that moment I became fully okay with that fact. The thought of cutting six inch strips of tulle for the headbands or tutus is like torture to me, in fact waterboarding sounds pretty okay in comparison.

There will no tulle headbands or tutus for the 4th of July for this family. I have declared my independence from being crafty and notions of craftiness. Other people are better at crafts and I bet those people do not break into a cold sweat when they enter the craft emporium. If you are a gifted crafter, knitter, cross-stitcher, or jewelry maker; I salute you. And if you endeavour to make any tulle headbands or tutus, feel free to drop one off at my house.