- They sit by each other at events
- They talk and laugh with each other
- Their kids are good and well adjusted (this is based on observation, they could be monsters at home, but he has never seen it)
- They speak kindly about each other
(Okay, maybe the above does not seem like remarkable stuff, but my beloved and I really love each other and often just sit in silence with each other at public events (and on our own couch). It is not an uncomfortable silence. We just do not feel like talking.)
I have always believed this un-couple was just a anomaly, pretty much two peace doves in the the world of divorce that has so many acrimonious vultures. I admire them. I do not admire that they are not together anymore, but the fact that they have risen above whatever caused them to divorce to be parents to their kids first, is beautiful.
Just a few days ago I found out another one of my daughter's friends has peacefully divorced parents as well. I would have never guessed they were not together, for pretty much the same reasons my beloved listed above for the other super un-couple. Kindness, respect, and genuine caring can be felt around these co-parents. How did these people learn to put the resentment and other broken relationship garbage away? It is so unselfish. It is so admirable.
I am not sure if I could be that kind and respectful if I were divorced from my beloved. The very ugly truth about me is, I like to be right, and I like to win. I fight with these truths about myself. Constantly asking myself; is "being right" is worth the fight? No, is generally the correct answer. However, when I am hurt or feeling insecure (the type of feelings very present in a broken relationship), it is challenging for me to not fall back into "being right" and "win at all costs" mode. Human nature is real jerk sometimes.
I admire those people who have decided (I honestly believe they have made a very deliberate choice) to be friendly with their ex-spouse. Whether their kids know it now, or maybe will only realize it much later, their mom and dad put them first. These co-parents put aside their brokenness in favor of their kids' completeness. This is something I can truly admire.