Wicked Wednesday: Anger Management Edition

Anger is a secondary emotion.  Any therapist worth their weight is salt will tell you anger is a result of frustration, sadness, helplessness, or hopelessness.  They may add more primary emotions that cause people to act out in an angry way.  I have only been a student in a few psychology and sociology classes, not an expert by any stretch of the imagination.  Yes, I give solicited and unsolicited mental health evaluations of people...all the time.  It is what I do, and no one stops me.  I also offer the disclaimer that my opinions are not, and should never be taken as, actual medical advise.  I am all for people going to get some counseling, some people need lots of it.  I have a mental list of people I have encountered that should probably NEVER leave counseling.  They need to be in the care of a doctor or licensed therapist forever...and maybe a day after that too.  My first clue that someone needs to get some help is usually their inappropriate and misplaced anger.  The person that is always sniping at their significant other .  Yelling at their kids.  Getting rude with customer service people (This is the worst.  Imagine becoming so sick with your anger problems that you will take it out on strangers?)  Hideous. Generally, those people that are walking about with the misplaced belief that the world is against them and they are mega pissed off out it.  News Flash: The world is neither for, or against, anyone.  I can not solve anger issues.  I can give no suggestions that make an angry person less angry.  In fact, trying to convince an angry person that they need help, or they need to focus on what is good in life, really only refocuses the anger. (mostly on the person that just suggested they had anger problems)  I do not like being the target of refocused anger.

It is frustrating seeing so much anger in the general population, especially angry children (yes, there are angry children.  It is sad and separate issue).  Yes, we all need to blow off steam and vent frustration.  That is normal.  Finding a safe and healthy way to do that is important.  Sure going out with friends and having some drinks can help, but it could also set up using substances to cover problems.  I do like a good night out, but this is a "use sparingly" solution. I personally enjoy writing my rants down, sometimes I even publish the rants (if it is funny or universally helpful it is generally worth airing my dirty laundry).  Writing helps lay out exactly what bothers me, literally in black and white).  Sometimes it becomes clear that whatever is bothering me is just ridiculous, which is fine, because then I know and I get over it.  Often it helps me profile a situation that I need to either get out of or redefine how I am going to deal with the situation going forward.  Yes, this is my personal anger management style.  Anger happens, but you can not let it consume you, then you become wicked. (the bad kind, the green faced, flying monkey kind of wicked)  Some people use other hobbies to get their minds off angry thoughts and feelings.  Some people exercise to sweat out the negativity.  At times I find this helpful, and the sore muscles give me a sense that I really worked something out.

There are many ways to reduce or eliminate anger.  The best advice ever given to me is from my mother, THIS TOO SHALL PASS.  No, she is not the first person to have ever said those words, but she said them often to me when I was young.  Guess what? 100% of the time this is true.  There is no sense in being an angry jerk.  It helps nothing, solves nothing, and likely cause more issues.  It will all pass.  Life has a funny way of resolving itself.  Give up the anger.  Live. Love. Laugh.

(This post is pretty much proof that  most all the time my writing surprises me.  I really did mean to write a scathingly wicked post about angry jerks, yet somewhere in the process I heard my mom's voice in my head reminding me more of kindness.  She is a gem.  I need to write about her...she is a smart, kind and sassy woman.  She also just totally squashed my Wicked Wednesday post.  Mothers!!!)

First World Problems

Do you ever stop and think about the things you consider "problems" in your life?  Since I am an analytic type person, I do often classify my problems.  Or what I think are problems.  Not being able to find my mobile phone, is not really a problem.  The frothing machine being on the fritz at you local coffee haunt causing you not to get a latte, not really a problem.  Pants not fitting properly, frustrating, but not a real problem.  A crabby kid not wanting to go to school; annoying, yes, an actual problem???  Umm, NO.  Pretty much all of my problems are first world problems. Problems that exist living in a nation of abundance.  Yes, there are Americans that struggle with real issues of hunger, illness, lack of housing, and many more really serious issues.  However, most of us are sitting rather pretty, with plenty of everything and failing to fully regard, and be grateful for our abundance.  We as a population seem too focused on what we do not have instead of noticing how insanely blessed we all are.

This past summer my good friend and her family traveled to Tanzania.  While in Tanzania they did take a safari, as that is a major tourist draw in that nation.  However, prior to their safari, they spent time touring hospitals, schools, and learning about what life is like for Tanzanians.  The short version of what Tanzanian life is like, HARD.  My friend informed me that although daily life is hard, filled with real problems & struggles, the people are happy and generous.  My friend's children, both teens, learned that education is valued, and not provide by the government.  Families save, and sacrifice, and often have to send their children hours away to get a good education.  My daughter whines about how early the bus comes, but every night she gets to spend the night with her family.  Tanzanian students often have to take years off of school to work and help their families save money before they can continue.  Early bus rides, clearly a first world problem.  My friend said the most striking part of Tanzanian life is how much of it is centered around just getting water.  It is a daily concern, and large chore, and during the dry season an overwhelming problem if a well goes dry.  In comparison, we fill pools with water and splash in them.  We run through sprinklers.  We complain if our local governments put watering restrictions on our lawn and garden irrigation in the hot summer months.  Very first world problems.  I can not imagine having to carry water from a well through a village so I could cook or clean.  Face it, when the power goes out I turn very whiny and sissy.  I am such a first world problem diva.  

I am not advocating that we all give up our creature comforts.  This creature LOVES her comforts.  I am more reminding myself that in the very grand scheme of things, I have no problems.  If I get sick or if one of my loved ones gets sick we have access to medical care.  We have more than plenty food, in fact we need to be more mindful of what we waste.  I am writing this to remind myself to be grateful, and to look outside my pretty little first world life and see real need and real problems.  Please do not think I am going on a preach, well maybe I am a little bit, but the preach is focused at myself.  If it applies to you in any way, just know you are not alone.  We all have our first world problems, but when we put them in perspective, we just have some minor glitches in our rather awesome, over abundant lives.  No problems.

Writing by Force

Okay, so I have been slacking this week.  In truth I have just had a lot of little things that needed to get done.  It is funny how little things can add up and take a little longer than you thought and then suddenly...it is Thursday and you have not written a blog post all week.  That is how it goes sometimes.  However, I am writing this because a friend, who is a faithful reader, pointed out my blog neglect.  This friend also happens to be going through a bunch of changes and challenges right now.  Here is a sneaky peek...she is changing jobs (which is great) and the house she is living in with her spouse and two kids has a septic tank issue that the landlord is refusing to fix.  So now with a job change, she faces finding a house (in the same school district) before the sh** hits the fan.  Okay the sh** likely will not hit the fan, but it may well back up all over the floor...which is just as bad.  This makes my piddly little stuff look like child's play.  However, we all have sh**, not all of us have it literally, like my friend, but we all have it.

So I write by force today, because she looks forward to reading my crazy musings.  Too bad for her, it is her struggles that have made me realize that I have just a million little things, while she faces actual sh**.  This is the time when I wish I could have a village of all the people I love, that have touched my life, that mean the world to me all centralized.  My friend lives in Florida, so from Michigan all I can do is pray that everything will come together and work out...FAST.  I hate thinking that people I care about are struggling.  Even while I struggle.  We all struggle.  I just do not like people I care about to have anything but good things.  Yes, that is a fully impossible thought.  We can not only have the good and easy life.  Frankly, if life was only good and easy we would be miserable with it.  Seriously.  How would we know the good and easy times without the struggles & challenges?  It used to make me crazy when I would hear people say, life's challenges & struggles are the times when we, as humans, grow and build character.  Time, and this statement proving true, over and over again, has made me not only accept this statement, but somewhat embrace it.  Reflecting on past personal challenges that caused struggle and discomfort, and often extreme frustration...then great personal growth, makes me a little thankful for the challenge.  In the midst of any personal crisis, I know that it will somehow work out and I will have learned a thing or two.

I am praying for my friend's current struggle will come to a good resolution...soon.  I know that she is a smart woman, she is resourceful, and she is a fighter.  I am still sad that she and her family have this struggle, but I know that everything will work out for them...hopefully sooner rather than later.  And I thank her for making me write by force, because my own words have helped me put some perspective on my own life.  Thank you, my friend.

Freshing Up

The old blog has undergone its Spring clean up. I applied a new design template. Moved and added some of the sidebar stuff around, added a topic cloud... I love clouds. I feel like I just redecorated. If only cleaning up my house was so easy and yielded such a quick result.

Renewed

First of all I need to backtrack to June 2010, when I started this blog. I believe I made some statement to the effect that I am not a "mommy blogger" and I was not going to write about my spouse and kids. I may have even have been indignant about absolutely not putting them in my blog. Epic fail. They get mentioned often, because they are funny...maybe funnier than I am (Perhaps? No. Even I know that I am a sharp witted force of nature. It is my one true talent.). I pretty much have reversed my opinion on leaving my husband and kids out of my writing. The fact is they are a rich source of material. Furthermore, writers produce better work when they write about what they know, and I know these people. These three people impact my daily life, for better or worse...mostly for better. I will continue to not name names, and I will never share a story that I am not directly involved. That would be telling tales out of school, and these people do deserve to have their private joys and failings...but if I play a key role in any of it, and it is funny, I am writing about it. I am not sure if that puts me in the "mommy blogger" genre or not. I will probably never share a recipe, as I do not use recipes when cook. I also do not bake, because a recipe is required. I do not take direction, or even suggestions very well. I am an independent spirit, which is a really nice way to say I am a pain in the ass. I make rules, then break my own rules. It is fun. I prefer to beg forgiveness as opposed to asking permission. It actually makes perfect sense that I set rules for my blog only to do a complete reversal.

It feels very refreshing and freeing to officially change the rules. A true renewal of writing. I was beginning to feel I had betrayed my original purpose for starting my blog. Okay, I am not even sure what my original intent was. I know that I had words that needed to get out. I had a worldview that demanded a wider audience. I guess I still do believe I have a worldview that demands a larger audience. People often tell me that I see the world in an interesting way. I am not sure if that is true...I only know what I know from my perspective. I have been stuck in this brain for 39 years, and know of nothing different. That is universally true of all of us. We are all special in the way we see the world. I am blessed that I can write my views, so you can catch a glimpse of the wild and wacky corners of my mind. Trust me when I say I know a few people that I would love to convince to write down their crazy thoughts and opinions. Not because I would mock them, but because it would make me feel like I had a kindred spirit. And then I would probably mock them...because that is what I do, and people still love me. (crazy, huh?) Serious, funny, opinionated, quirky, loving, bitter, family oriented, being an individual, friends, and all sorts of other crazy stuff...but no recipes, that is what my renewed focus is for my blog. This Particular Brand of Crazy, defines itself by being undefined.