I have spent the last three months trying to save a 12 year old laptop.

Yes, it was slow. It never was all that quick. I would really notice when I used my beloved's Mac. However, I am not a Mac person. I am not all, "Apple is the best ever". I do not let myself fall into that lemming way of computing. I also do not think, "Apple is the devil". I have an iPad. I find it very useful. I just like to be diverse in my technology use. I like a good PC. Who does not like something you can fix by shutting it off and restarting it? (Until that stops working too)

Yes, it quit letting me sign in to my blog. It did not stop me from writing, just from sharing.  To be honest, you did not want to hear the horrific thoughts I had during my "repair" phase. It got pretty dark.

Yes, I am not very tech savvy. However, I have learned many things about computers through trial and error...many many errors. I am fully competent in using flash drives to save, and back-up files from a dinosaur computer. Unlike past crashes, I am losing nothing. In fact I may have saved way too much. I suppose I can always lose the flash drives..they are small.

Yes, I hate change. That is pretty much it. I dislike doing things differently.

Yes, I have finally given up...only because Windows XP is no longer going to be supported, and there is not a chance in hell that that poor old laptop will survive a software update. She has been de-bugged, cleaned, rebooted, and refurbished. It is just time to let her go. It is the kindest thing to do. She has typed papers, essays, blog posts, Christmas letters, and countless other documents. I learned how to make a spreadsheet on that computer. I signed up for social media sites on her. I have checked countless e-mails on her. I learned how to search the web on that computer. Online shopping? She was the best. Coupon searches? She was a champ. And now it is time to move on. Mostly for my own sake.

I have invested too much time and caring in an inanimate object that really does not care back. It is like my own personal Her (the movie about a guy that falls in love with an operating system). Sometimes everything is personal, even when it is pretty clear that it is not.

Who has not bargained with a dead car battery?

Who has not cried over a broken coffee carafe?

Who has not felt a little off when they have left there phone at home for the day?

Who has not wept openly when finding a hole in your favorite piece of clothing?

Our things become a little bit of our comfort. We count on our things to be there, and do what they are suppose to do. And if you are a sentimental fool (and many of us are), you want those things to be with you forever. Even though they won't. They are things. Fortunately, I have a very tech savvy daughter that is helping me adjust to my "new normal" on a six year old laptop with Vista that has been sitting around since it was brushed aside for a shiny Mac a few years ago. My daughter really cares, and was starting to think I was never going to move on. At least she knows how dedicated I am. It probably terrifies her.

I am working my way up to Windows 8.1.

Very slowly.

Change is Bad

Today I am going to lament the new format that I am forced to use because I updated my blogger dashboard. The screen features are less than the previous set up, or I just can not figure out where the features I liked are as of yet. I have also saved some posts that were not finished only to return to find them lost. Okay, perhaps I can cull them out somewhere, and if not they were just a few rough paragraphs, but still what if those lost items were my best writing ever? We shall never know now. So now I need to embark on learning more about this updated system. I pretty much hate change sometimes. Admittedly I am not tech savvy. This lack of savvy just adds to my frustration. Perhaps this exercise in relearning will help me embrace change. It is certainly not a life of death situation. I am sure than i can call for tech support. Though calling for help will mean I have to explain to some support person how dense I am about technology.

The funny thing about my tech-phobia is I really desire to understand all the gadgets, but from afar. My husband just got his first smartphone. He loves it. He keeps talking to some assistant telling it to remind him of this and that, to send text messages using voice commands...all sorts of cool stuff. He asked if I wanted a smartphone, and I have thus far avoided answering the question. It almost seems like it may be a waste of good micro-chips for someone who prefers pen and paper. Honestly, if I could write in a notebook and scan my blog entries to post them, that would be great. Although I do have a love / hate relationship with our scanner. The printer and fax features work for me, but the scans are sketchy at best. Should I blame the scanner? Probably not. It is likely me and my lack direction reading and /or following that is the issue.

Hopefully, with some concentration and desire to move forward with the times, I can work through this change. Perhaps it is not as bad as it feels right now. However, the old way was just peachy with me and if I can find my way back to the previous version, I am probably going take it. Sadly, I fear that is unlikely. Change is bad, but in a few weeks I may learn to adapt.