Friday, March 28, 2014

Consciously Annoyed

Have you ever wondered how much further Gwenyth Paltrow can get up her own ass? She will certainly find any polyps on her own colon. I have done a great job of ignoring her "lifestyle" website, and generally ridiculous life choices (i.e. naming a child "Apple"). However, recently she has pulled two very public displays of cluelessness that have shaken me from my silence.

  1. Her desire to call her divorce from Chris Martin a "conscious uncoupling" is the limit. You can call things whatever you want in your little special world, but I am pretty sure if you want your "conscious uncoupling" to be legal, you will need to sign a decree of divorce. No matter what you call it, your kids are still probably not happy that mom & dad are not together. I have no opposition to divorce, or interest in telling people how to live their lives. I do have a problem with people making up kinder, gentler, fuzzy terms for things that are not. Divorce is real. It happens to half of people who get married. People handle the dissolution of their unions in many ways. If Gwennie and Chris want to keep their divorce friendly, great. That is the best choice for your kids and for your state of mind. However, making up new, happy words for something does not make it any more clear for your kids. Along with having wedgie inducing names, now they can sound pretentious saying, "My mum and dad are consciously uncoupled". It is silly. It is pretentious. Using such ridiculous terms makes the general public "involuntarily regurgitate in our oral cavities, a little"
  2. Gwenyth also seems to believe being an actress is so much more difficult that being a mom who works a regular 9-5 job. Click here to read the wonderful Open Letter to Ms. Paltrow about how completely horrific her working conditions must be. All of America, no, all of the world feels your pain. It must be difficult having homes on different continents and managing a staff of nannies and assistants. We feel your pain. We all shake our heads and wonder how you manage. Poor thing, and all while going through a conscious uncoupling.
Perhaps we should have a telethon to raise money for a cure for Chronic Cranium Rectumitis? There is clearly a very fine celebrity sufferer that can be the poster girl for the cause.  

Monday, March 24, 2014

Why I love, #sorrynotsorry

My teen daughter brought home a lovely turn of phrase last summer. I am not sure where she picked it up, but it has become a common phrase in our home. It is a common hash tag on Twitter. It is everywhere.

Sorry, not sorry.

When she first started using this phrase, it made me annoyed. I though she was just being rude, glib, and generally unkind. Sometimes she was. Sometimes we all are those negative things. Then I realized she was just being honest.

We live in a world of false apologies. We hear disgraced public figures say..

"I am so sorry if my words offended you"
"I apologize if my actions caused harm"
"I am sorry but... (anything that comes after the "but" is an excuse, or utter bull****, that cancels out any true remorse)

Basically, those types of apologies deflect blame to someone for being to sensitive, not because they are indeed sorry or intend on taking personal steps to change, or make amends. Many times the apologizer is not sorry for their actions, but sorry they were caught or exposed in an incriminating situation. Carefully listen to someone next time they apologize to you or someone else. Listen for if and but. Especially if it is a public figure or corporation "apologizing" for something. It is truly remarkable how many times there is justification, or blame shifting. No actual apology for the wrong doing. A sincere apology is a truly rare thing. No one wants to say...

"I am sorry stupid statements come out of my mouth when I open it"
"I am sorry I can not keep my pants zipped"
"I am sorry I text out pictures of my junk"
(All of the above could have been public apologies of elected officials, they were not. I will not name names, you can figure it out.)

Sorry, not sorry, has become a beacon of snark filled truth & light in a world of false contrition. Yes, it is snippy. It is very teenage girl. Maybe it is even a little mean, but it is honest. If you are not sorry for what you actually did, if you are only sorry you got caught, then just be sorry that you are not sorry. Save us the trouble of listening to your insincere blathering.

I do not make my kids apologize to each other, or to me. I do talk with them when they wrong someone, or break something that was not theirs to break. We talk about how they would feel if the tables were turned, and what would they want the other person to do. Many times the "wronger" ends up writing a note or drawing a picture or apologizing to the "wronged" party. Not because I tell them they should or because it is "the right thing to do", but only because that is how they would want to treated. We do not have the forced, "I am sorry" spit out with the nasty faces and stomping away. And sometimes there is a "sorry, not sorry". Sometimes we all act with selfish intentions, and do not feel sorry about it. So do not make a false apology.

And that is why I love sorry, not sorry.

Friday, March 14, 2014

Crabby Time Crabbiness

In a perfect world __________________, and we would all be happy.

How many different ways can you fill in that blank? I have several. Today I am suffering with "crabby time crabbiness" (CTC). This was an affliction that my children were plagued with from birth to age five between the hours of 4-6 pm, everyday. It was just a bad time of day. I made up a cutesy name for something that was far from cute. Adult cases of CTC seem to be caused by environmental things, and have no particular time of day that the CTC sets in. My case of CTC seems to have flared at 8am today. It was externally set upon me. So instead of letting the CTC take over my day, I am going to share all the simple, and not so simple things that would happen (or not happen) in my perfect world.

In a perfect world...
  • cancer would not even be a thing
  • people would use "please" and "thank you" with all requests
  • everyone would plan ahead and not create "emergencies" for others
  • other people's actions would not effect my mood
  • dogs would let themselves outside, and not desperately stare at you
  • dinner would make itself
  • everyone would love every dinner
  • no one would sweat the small stuff
  • everyone would be content with what they have
  • people would celebrate other's success
  • jerks would be all banned to one central area away from non-jerks
  • every sandwich would taste like someone else made it, even if you made it yourself
  • coffee would always be the right temperature
  • the litter box would self-clean (just like the cat)
  • dessert would not induce guilt
  • crabby time crabbiness would not exist
                                                                        ...and we would all be happy.

Oddly, just making that list has made me feel better. It gave me an attitude adjustment. Some the items are so minor, and some are monumental. Sometimes making a list helps focus what we can, and can not change.

Make your list.
Evaluate it.
Come to terms with things you can not change.
Focus on the things that you can fix.

And always, everyday, count your blessings. Blessings always outnumber annoyances.