Crabby Time Crabbiness

In a perfect world __________________, and we would all be happy.

How many different ways can you fill in that blank? I have several. Today I am suffering with "crabby time crabbiness" (CTC). This was an affliction that my children were plagued with from birth to age five between the hours of 4-6 pm, everyday. It was just a bad time of day. I made up a cutesy name for something that was far from cute. Adult cases of CTC seem to be caused by environmental things, and have no particular time of day that the CTC sets in. My case of CTC seems to have flared at 8am today. It was externally set upon me. So instead of letting the CTC take over my day, I am going to share all the simple, and not so simple things that would happen (or not happen) in my perfect world.

In a perfect world...

• cancer would not even be a thing
• people would use "please" and "thank you" with all requests
• everyone would plan ahead and not create "emergencies" for others
• other people's actions would not effect my mood
• dogs would let themselves outside, and not desperately stare at you
• dinner would make itself
• everyone would love every dinner
• no one would sweat the small stuff
• everyone would be content with what they have
• people would celebrate other's success
• jerks would be all banned to one central area away from non-jerks
• every sandwich would taste like someone else made it, even if you made it yourself
• coffee would always be the right temperature
• the litter box would self-clean (just like the cat)
• dessert would not induce guilt
• crabby time crabbiness would not exist

                                                                        ...and we would all be happy.

Oddly, just making that list has made me feel better. It gave me an attitude adjustment. Some the items are so minor, and some are monumental. Sometimes making a list helps focus what we can, and can not change.

Make your list.
Evaluate it.
Come to terms with things you can not change.
Focus on the things that you can fix.

And always, everyday, count your blessings. Blessings always outnumber annoyances.

Five for Friday

Our Imaginary Dialog

Reader:  Jeepers! Allie, it has been an eternity since you wrote a Five for Friday. Has nothing random or ridiculous happened in months?  Have you read nothing decent?  Has the whole planet finally come around to your way of thinking?

Allie:  Oh dear one, random and ridiculous is like the water in the Great Lakes that surrounds this pleasant peninsula I inhabit.  It is plentiful and often infested with non-native creatures much like those crazy carp that jump out of the water, and zebra mussels that do whatever they do that is horrible and wrong.

Reader:  Huh, okay then...well, what sort of random ridiculousness have you encountered this week?  (fervently hoping for no more obscure, slightly environmental, but completely baffling references)

Allie:  Wow, thanks for asking, my intelligent and kind reader.  It is so compassionate of you to be concerned with the important and pressing issues in Allieville (population 1, but the visitor center is very busy and their are three squatters in the mayoral mansion)

Reader:  So you have some witty, mildly entertaining musings to share????

Me:  You know I do. You know, I do.

1. The Two Day Heat Wave.  Tuesday and Wednesday were unseasonably hot this week. I had pity upon the school kids.  The self-pity came into play when I had to attend an Open House at the elementary school.  It was hotter than Hades and three times as humid (I hear Hades enjoys a dry heat, much like Death Valley, and  your oven)  The A/C had been turned off  in the hope of using no climate control in the house until mid-October.  I pondered making my family tough it out.  Then folded like a wet paper bag before noon on Tuesday.  The thought of my family coming home, complaining about the heat was too much for me.  These people are getting to me, making soft.  At this rate they may coax me into turning on the heat before October 15th.
2. Word Mashers.  The English language is in peril.  Every year some really sketchy words push their way into the dictionary by popular force.  Words that are like nails on a chalkboard to this lover of words.  In 2012, "sexting", made the dictionary.  (thanks Anthony Wiener, thanks a lot)  The word "earworm" made the dictionary as well.  I happen to fully endorse "earworm", I was actually surprised that it was not already in the dictionary.  My fear is the mashed up words like "amirite" (am I right), and "inorite" (I know, right) will be wholly embraced.  These are horrid phrase/questions already, but to then mash them into one word that ends with up vocal inflection trying to imply a fully formed question makes me crazy.  First of all, no you are not right, and I am pretty sure you know very little when you use these phrase/question atrocities.  A piece of my soul dies every time I hear these abominable language thugs.  I cry for our future if either of these monsters make the dictionary cut.
3. Orange is the New Black (the book).  I recently downloaded this memoir of Piper Kerman's experience in a Federal womens prison.  It is a good read.  She writes very honestly about what landed her in prison, and what it was like for her being locked up for 13 months.  It is cautionary tale for those who make questionable choices in this time of mandatory minimum prison sentences for first time offenders.  Check it out.
4. Orange is the New Black  (TV show).  Netflix has made an original series loosely based upon Piper Kerman's memoir.  Piper is involved in the series production, she is listed in the credits in some capacity..  The series is very entertaining.  It is also rather graphic, not suitable for kids or even teen viewing.  I mean that.  I am no prude, but this is completely adult content.  The book is suitable for teens if they are interested.  The storytelling is very engaging, and you may find yourself sucked into several episodes back to back.  It okay, it's Netflix.  Netflix is all about binge TV watching.
5. Sad, but True.  A few weeks ago my son confronted me in the kitchen about Santa.  My sweet and logical LEGO loving boy stated that he has come to the conclusion that Santa Claus is indeed not real.  Ouch.  He is nine.  He gave a very reasoned argument.  He then chastised me for being a liar.  I informed him that his dad was in on it too.  He then said he is a liar too.  (Which is great because I do not like taking the heat alone.  I will throw people under the bus, even my beloved husband)  Then he promised to play along for his sister's sake.  What???  His sister is 14.  She has never told me where she stands on Santa.  She is the best older sister ever.  She wrote letters to Santa all through middle school.  I know she knows, but she would never say because she would not want to upset her little brother.  I am a little sad.  I will probably still put some stuff under the tree from "Santa" for the next few years.  Now I am wondering if I need to tell my daughter that the little guy has it all figured out?  Maybe someone will e-mail her a copy of this blog.  I do not think she reads me.  Not enough pictures, poor spelling, and LOLing here.

That is all I have for this week my sweet reader. Enjoy your weekend!

Totally random aside.  In my first draft of this entry  in the dialog I had labeled the Reader as "you" and Allie as "me"...then realized it was odd for you to consider yourself as "you" when you are a "me" to yourself.  Pronouns can be your friend and enemy at the same time.

Feline Friday

Massively freaked out!

I am not sure if I am actually get to five random things today, because I am a new mom!   The adorable ball of fluff you are seeing is Zazzles!  So we shall rename the day FELINE FRIDAY.  If you are not a cat fancier, sorry.  You are missing out on some of the most indifferent unconditional love in the world.  I was missing this aloof affection and adoration. We adopted a one year old cat this week.  I had forgotten what younger cats were like.  Our Yoda was 17 years old when she left us, and though I always felt she was rather feisty and spry, I am now being reminded more of what her earlier years were like.  Not that Zazzles is like Yoda...or that I even want that (I do not.  I want to appreciate them as the individuals they are).  However, all cats do certain things as youngsters that fade with age.  The biggest thing is how surprised Zazzles is by the sounds and sights of her new house.  I forget that she is new to house living.  Dishwashers are loud.  Vacuums are terrifying (although I am pretty sure that all of the other humans in my household are equally terrified of the vacuum).  Everything is surprising.  I also forgot how nosy cats can be.  I was accustom to Yoda walking up  going through bags and even my purse.  She gave everything a cursory looking over.  It was second nature.  Yoda also stole pens from my purse, and put them under the dresser in the bedroom. (It has been nice being able to find basic office supplies for the past few months)  Zazzles stalks all bags, bats everything around them, then steals a glance inside and then runs off.  Empty mouthed...so far.  She is not confident in her snooping.  Perhaps in time she will grow more confident in her snooping skills...or perhaps not.  Either way it is nice to have her lovely, indifference in my home.

Relaxed .

Five for Friday

It is another snowy day...so snowy my lovelies have no school.  In fact, my lovelies have not had a five day school week since before their holiday break.  It has worked out that either the school through scheduled days off,or snow days, or a sick little lovely has made each week in 2013 less than five days.  I just told my lovely son that I was going to write, and he pointed out it was snow day so I could skip it. WHAT?  I did not the rules applied to me?  Never.  Here are five random ramblings for a snowy day.  (If you are reading this in a region deprived of snow, I am sorry...and enjoy anyway)

1. Tell me this does not sound like Rick Astley.  This is a band called Swedish House Mafia, and I am telling you the man singing sounds exactly like Rick (Never Gonna Give You Up) Astley.  If you do not remember Rick Astley, you probably do not remember the late 1980's.  My daughter put the SHM tune on our shared iTunes account and the "cloud" put it on my devices.  It is catchy, but I am telling you it sounds just like Rick Astley.  Ahhh, the memories! 
2. Love v. Obligation. Since Valentine's Day (insert my eye-roll here) is coming up next week, I will once again pull out my yearly campaign against VD (is it a coincidence that the abbreviation is the same as that of venereal disease?  I think not).  First of all, I am not an angry lonely heart.  I have been with my beloved for close to 20 years.  He is a wonderful, flawed man that is well matched with this wonderful, flawed lady.  We work together.  Do I expect, or even want him on the 14th day of each February to suddenly shower me with gifts and flowers?  ABSOLUTELY NOT.  February 14th is not a significant day for us.  A day on the calendar should not make a person acknowledge their love for their significant other.  Love is a choice, not an obligation.  Perhaps I am just lucky to know that I am loved and valued everyday of the year.  No roses and flowers required.
3. Mandatory Craftiness.  Have you ever been asked to do something, and because you did not completely fail at it, people then think you are good at it?  That is me and kid's crafts.  Yes, I have lots of ideas, and a glue gun...but all of it is very forced.  I do not enjoy crafting very much.  I learned to crochet, but I would prefer to read a good book (or even a mediocre book...or the nutrition info on cereal).  However, now I have a reputation as an arts & crafts person.  I suppose there are worse things I could have a reputation for...but sometimes even those things seem less painful than planning a craft for 35 Cub Scouts.
4. Nerdiness.  It is okay to be nerdy.  My daughter is at that special age when many girls forgo being the lovely intelligent people they are so they can play dumb to get boys to help them with their homework, or just because they think being smart is not pretty.  Wrong.  Smart is pretty.  Thus far, my daughter has not abandon her brain.  She is very proud that she has the best grade in her German class.  She asks her dad questions about Algebra, because she does not want anyone in her class to know that it is sometimes it is confusing.  (And she knows to not ask me about it because...well she is smart).  Her favorite TV show is The Big Bang Theory, because she thinks scientists are funny and cool.  She is proud that she is a gifted musician.  Sometimes she says she is "nerdy".  Which is fine, but sometimes she says it as if it is a bad thing (just sometimes).  And that makes me nervous.  I am afraid the thought of pretending to be dumb crosses her mind.  I pray every night that she fully embraces her intelligence, and understands that nerdiness is awesome.  
5. Waiting for Exercise to Get Fun.  I have become exercise tolerant, because it is necessary for good health.  Just like brushing my teeth (I actually love brushing my teeth, always have).  I am still waiting for it to fun.  I hear people rave about have much they  love to workout.  I am glad they feel that way, but I am generally most pleased when the workout is over.  Yes, some workouts can be fun, but I generally do not appreciate that "fun" until it is over, or in the cool down phase.  I have also never learned to fully enjoy cleaning bathrooms, but I love the look of a freshly cleaned bathroom.  Perhaps I am waiting for something that is never going to happen?  I have been cleaning bathrooms for a long time, and it has not become a great joy.  

Photo Friday

Last week my kids had Friday off of school because it was the end of the semester.  It was rather cold so we resorted to a favorite activity that we do not nearly enough.  Pottery painting!  I just picked up out freshly fired creations.  Mine is the tilted pitcher that I am going to use to refill the water reservoir of the coffee machine.  We currently use a really big plastic cup with the cast of Twilight plastered on it.  We have no more Twilight fans in the house, but it holds a lot of water.  It is currently residing in the recycle bin now that the tilted pitcher is home and ready to be pressed into service.  I did intend to make the stripes in varied widths, because it adds whimsy.  And who does not need more whimsy???

Now if I may direct you attention to the stunning turtle to your left.  This is the fine work of my daughter.  She is in a turtle phase.  She even painted the masked faces of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on her nails recently.  This is as close as she is getting to having a real turtle.  They smell odd, and carry illness.  Please refrain from comments about how cute turtles are and how they make wonderful pets.  I am not adventurous in my pet keeping ways. Cats, dogs, and fish...and the fish was a bit of folly really.  Fish are even too exotic.  So I hope she loves her the turtle she painted.  It is lovely, and odor free.
My son was very happy to see the Iron Man piggy bank.  Iron Man is his favorite of all the super hero types.  He likes that Tony Stark made himself into a super hero through his own thinking and inventing. I suppose that it seems like the most attainable way of becoming an action hero.  He also does not want to subject himself to excessive gamma rays, get bit by a spider, or the other painful ways that mortals become superheros. Yes, we have talked about the best and worst ways to become a super hero.  Thor and Superman had it easy being born into greatness.  I am impressed that he has figured out his limits, but is still striving for being a super hero.  Not to mention Tony Stark has a pretty kick butt collection of cars, and rather plush living conditions.

Happy Weekend.  Don't overdose on chips and guacamole during the Super Bowl.  I am officially rooting for the team coached by a Harbaugh to win.  My odds in Vegas are stellar.

***Note:  I really tried to make the title "Photo Phriday" or "Foto Friday", but I could not stand the cutesy misspelling.  My love for alliteration has it limits.

Depending on the Weather

I am keeping it short and sweet today.  The weather in Michigan has been insane lately.  If weather were capable of being diagnosed with a mental illness, Michigan weather would be on some major mood stabilizers for rapid cycling bipolar disorder.  No joke.  It is crazy, even for Michigan.  Last week we were in the very natural, very expected deep freeze.  Single digit and some below zero tempretures, typical Michigan.  Then Monday schools were closed because of icy and frozen rain.  I shoveled the slush.  By the end of the day it was in the mid-40's.  Tuesday it rained like it was April.  A steady downpour anytime you needed to leave a building, then letting up as soon as you were safely indoors.  (You may say I am paranoid, but I know that the rain is out to get me!  I know it.). Wednesday went from mild temps in the morning to cold and gusty in the evening.  Some rain here and there (only when I left my car or buildings...of course).  Now we at Thursday, cold and windy with snow flurries.  Which out of all the days this week is the most acceptable with me because it is January appropriate weather.  The weather messes with my hair, moods, and sinuses.  The kids do not know when to wear boots and heavy coats or rain gear.  The dog goes from frozen, to muddy, back to frozen.  (And my poor dog is from Alabama and constantly looks surprised every time she sets foot outside).  The only thing I can depend on the weather for is constant confusion.  Thank goodness I did not marry a meteorologist.  That would have been a recipe for some serious trust issues.  Stay warm, or dry, or enjoy the unseasonably warmth or whatever may apply once this is posted.

In MY Opinion...on opinions

As you can see from my title this is going to be a rip roaring, very topical, super important, and possibly life changing post.  If you believe any of this, please direct yourself away from this page now, before the disappointment changes the core of your being.  I can not be held responsible for your declined mental state or that fact that you may, in fact, lose IQ points reading about MY opinion...on opinions.  We have all had those conversations that upon the completion you wished there was some actual way to get the time back, and perhaps a small portion of intelligence that was sacrificed .   You know the person that knows it all, and tells it all...and is exhausting to hear.  You walk away like you have been slugged in the stomach.  Doubled over mentally from having to hear all the "great wisdom" this person possesses.  It is painful.  You wanted to contradict the person, but it would just prolong the conversation you never wanted.  Knowing if you argued an opposing opinion you may appear just as head-strong and thought inflexible as the person that is basically, lecturing you on their topic.  It is a conundrum.  We are all entitled to our opinions, but let us be really honest, some people have really messed up opinions.  My opinions are messed up too.  My worldview is pretty jacked up. (I will provide some examples of my messed up worldview at the end...judge for yourself)  I own it.  It is mine.  I will take it to my grave. I am not often very good at verbalizing my opposing viewpoint to other people's jacked up opinions because I have a sarcastic little monster that lives in me that just likes to poke jabs under the radar.  This is very poor communication, but it makes me happy to just poke.  It could be classified as passive aggressive behavior, and that is a fair assessment.  However, my sarcastic nature keeps me in the quasi-good graces of the ultra-opinionated, "never wrong" people of the world.  The people that truly, honestly believe that their opinions are the gospel truth, and thus should be preached.  Opposing viewpoints are not welcomed by the "never wrongs".  Facts to the contrary are like acid being thrown in their face.  The recoil and counter attack is not worth it for me.  I am not a "never wrong".  I am wrong a lot.  I admit it, apologize if needed, and move on.

There is some notion out there that a personal opinions can not be wrong.  Opinions can be very wrong and misguided.  They can be right to the individual, but that does not make it universally true.  These personal opinions may guide that person, and that is fine as long as that person is aware that the rest of the planet is not held to standards that their opinion sets.  And we can all agree that some people are very misguided, non?  Here are examples of some of my opinions that guide me through my life, but certainly are not universally true...

• There is a limit on how long you can blame your childhood for your adult problems.  The limit is 25 years, if you can not sort yourself out by 25 years of age, get professional help.  Yes, we all have baggage from childhood no matter how idyllic or traumatic.  Get over it.  Go to therapy if you can not put your past in your past.  Life is too short to keep reliving your first 18 years.  Make peace with it, and do better as an adult. (I may expand this one into a full blog post...it is my best opinion...in MY opinion)
• Dark chocolate is better than any other type of chocolate.
• Small dogs are just over needy cats that bark.  If you like small animals, stick with a cat.  Their aloof independence is heartwarming, and they do not pee the floor when guests walk in the front door.
• Men should never color their hair.  Silver hair on a man is sexy.
• You can handle anything for 8 weeks.
• Ride the biggest roller-coaster at least once, and never admit that sucked to those have not tried it.  Seeing their scared faces and slightly pained necks is worth the lie.
• Honesty is the best policy unless you are talking about roller-coasters, pulling a practical joke, or are trying to get out of a conversation with a "never wrong"  
• It is okay to wear gold and silver jewelry at the same time.
• Toe rings are wrong.
• It is okay to be wrong.  Sometimes it can be fun. 

So those are some of my opinions.  I told you some are pretty jacked up, and I am fine with it.  If you do not agree with me...don't be me.  See how easy that was?  

Five for Friday: Pet Peeve Edition

Hello!  We again stand on the precipice of the weekend.  So many possibilities, so much fun to be had, or perhaps you are ready for some hardcore couch time.  Whatever it is you have planned, or not planned...enjoy.  My good friend called me yesterday and started the conversation with, "You might need to blog about this...".  When some people say this to me, it bothers me, others I will take their idea and run with it.  Her particular beef was worthy of the "Pet Peeve" edition.  Her gripe rings true with me so, I thank her for the gift of an idea.  Please note, I like ideas and topics, but if I can not make my brain and fingers believe in an idea...it will not make it.  Some of my own ideas do not translate well into written word.  Perhaps I need to start doing some spoken word beat poetry for the leftover ideas. (See that?  I hideous idea that will not come to fruition)  Here are my five peeves for this Friday...

1. People who can not focus on a conversation.  This is my friend's peeve, which I agree is horribly peevish.  Her beef is particularly with people during phone conversations talking to/ reprimanding their children, while on the phone with her.  We all know the best way to get your child's attention is to  answer a phone call.  Like moths to a flame they hover around you.  They list their "needs".  They whine.  I have always been of the mindset that children need to learn manners.  Interrupting people is poor manners.  Obviously, one should not neglect a true need of a child.  Good manners would dictate that you end your phone conversation and attend to those needs.  However, engaging in a secondary conversation with your child whilst on the phone with a friend is rather annoying.  This also applies to texting with people while trying to maintain a conversation with someone who is live, in front of you.  Yes, the occasional urgent situation may arise, but honestly, not that often unless you are a doctor.  Focus on the person who you are talking with on the phone or in person.  It is the kind, friendly, and polite thing to do.  
2. Writing the way you talk.  I have been told my writing is very similar to how I speak.  This is good for writers, because it means their writing has a personal voice.  My beef is not with the writers' personal voice.  No, my beef is with people that try to write out words that only exist in spoken word.  Writing out your lazy speech patterns bothers me.  Why?  I am not absolutely sure, here are some possibilities. Maybe it bothers me because it highlights that the offending person has poor grammar and diction? Maybe it is just because it reveals ignorance?  Or, and this is probably it, it gives the sloppy speech credibility when it is written.  This occurs mostly in social media posts.  Yes, I am a big fan of social media, and I am sure if I distanced myself from my FaceBook and Twitter feeds it I would have less annoyance and frustration.  Here are the words that bother me the most: prolly, gonna, coulda, woulda, and shoulda.  The correct words are: probably, going to, could have, would have, and should have.  And "ain't" is not a word, I do not care that it made it to the dictionary.  It is shit, so do not use it! Mumble and mush your words all you want when you talk, but if you are posting it on social media use STANDARD ENGLISH.
3. Leggings as pants.  Leggings are not pants.  Leggings are footless tights made of ever so slightly bulkier material.  Leggings are adorable under a dress, or a long tunic top worn with boots.  If you are rocking the legging with a regular waist or hip length shirt, you are missing the trend.  There are all kinds of reasons that leggings require a longer top (aka a tunic) or a dress.  Primarily, something called  "camel toe".  If you are not familiar with this term, please Google it, or see the Urban Dictionary.  It is not really flattering on anyone.  Leggings are not a standard replacement for regular pants.  Please spread the word.
4. People who are going to use all the words listed in #2 to annoy me. It is my peeve when people use peeves against other people.  It is cheap.  My beloved has told me many of his pet peeves over the years.  The knowledge of these things makes it easy to know what will bother him.  If I were an evil soul, I could just drive the man nuts by constantly pushing his peeve buttons.  I do not because it is  too easy.  I would far prefer to find new and interesting ways to get under his skin.  This being said, I know that I have friends who are also readers who will use #2 against me.  Do your worst.  I have steeled my nerves already.
5. Breaking News  Television stations use the term "BREAKING NEWS" rather loosely.  Yes, it is news that just happened, but no, not all of it deserves to interrupt the broadcast.  Example, most courtroom verdicts, especially those for scandal plagued former mayors,  do not deserve to break into regular viewing.  The whole term has been rendered meaningless by overuse.  Who really believes that something actually news worthy will be occurring when programming gets interrupted?  Not me.  I am genuinely surprised when it is something that is significant.

That does it for my Pet Peeve edition.  Thanks to my friend, who shall remain nameless, for her input.  I feel your pain, and I am with you.

Five for Friday

It is Friday.  Which is not just an awesome movie (Ice Cube at his finest).  Thus I am hitting five random musings.  Granted yesterday's post was pretty random.  I was in pain.  Actually, in pain or not that is pretty much how my brain works...so special.  Letting my five fly in 3...2...

1. Boy Bands.  Love them or hate them, they are a part of our musical culture.  This morning I was diving and a local station was playing bands from "back in the day".  (Yes, I said, "back in the day".  I will flog myself later)  New Edition, Mr. Telephone Man, turned up to 11 (mega props if you can tell me the film I am referencing when I say "turned up to 11"), is a great way to start the day.  Then between songs the radio personalities were talking about some of the "great" boy bands; Bel Biv Devoe, New Kids on the Block, Backstreet Boys, and of course N'Sync.  I was on a ride in the way back machine of questionable music.  I have soft spot for the Boy Band.  Yes, the music is over engineered, as is the back-story of band.  Nothing is organic about Boy Band music..but it is catchy.  Note to self: quit making fun of my daughter for her love of One Direction, they are not the next Beatles, but they will be fondly recalled in 20 to 25 years.
2. Bronzer in winter.  What can turn this girl's day from blah to banging?  Bronzer.  Yes, a slight bit of color and slight sparkle on the cheeks and nose is an attitude adjustment for me.  It is literally a cosmetic change that can make all the difference.  I can not change the temperature, or turn on the sun, but I can brush some healthy glow across my pasty white skin and make myself feel warm and glowing.  Long live the cosmetic counter!
3. Rain in January.  Unacceptable.  Snow is white, fluffy, clean, and bright.  When it rains in January in my part of the world it just reveals that the trees have no leaves, and the dormant sickly green of the grass.  Not to mention the muddy foot prints that get tracked in be Ninja.  It turns out dogs do not know the purpose of doormats.  Kid's can not play in the rain.  They do not want to build rain-men.  No, kids want snow.  I want snow.  If anyone has any connections that can get a respectable amount of snow to my part of the world, I would be grateful and maybe even write a post entirely about how awesome you are.  Hop to it.  Make it SNOW, baby.
4. U-turns.  Still happening.  Still making me nuts.  This might be at the top of my driving pet peeve list.  Yes, I have categorized my pet peeves because the one master list was getting a bit unwieldy.  Please...yes, I said PLEASE...stop making u-turns.  Find a business parking lot, a side street, or even someone's driveway to turn around in, and then go along your happy way.  OR, just quit being so darn confused or distracted when you drive and do it properly the in the first place.  (Stepping off the soap box...hopefully not falling)   
5. Book Recommendation.  The Day the World Came to Town : 9/11 in Gander, Newfoundland, by Jim DeFede. I know you are thinking, "That sounds like a heavy topic, and winter is already depressing".  Well, yes, clearly 9/11 is not, and never will be a topic of great joy.  However, this is the story (or stories) of people who were on airplanes to the United States when the attacks occurred, and the airspace above the United States was closed.  This is what some of those travelers did when the worst happened.  It is a beautiful story of community and making the best of the worst.  Enough said.  Give it a try.  I have it on my kindle app. if I knew how to share or loan it, I would. (Still tech challenged, and not afraid to admit it)

Happy Weekend!
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Prone to Write

I am attempting something never done before.  I writing while laying on my couch.  I am also planning on publishing the post.  So this could be interesting.  Normally if I am laying down to write it is in my journal or a notebook.  It is typically on my stomach and my left arm gets all cramped up from the odd angle I lean on it.  Anyway, today I took a rather glorious, and embarrassing digger down the steps and my lower back feels like it may recover, but it is uninterested in sitting in an office chair at the computer...which is upstairs.  Yes, the same stairs that I took the express trip on an hour ago.  My hands were full, my feet are large, the stairs are narrow.  It was a perfect storm.  Now I am itching to write so I am grateful to my iPad that allows me to get on my blogger account.  The functions are not as easy as on the computer, not to mention laying on your back is not the most natural position to type.  I have pillows stacked upon me to get the screen at the right angle.  It is comical.  When one is prone to write, sometimes one must write while prone.

Today when I was walking with my dog, Ninja, I noticed that the squirrels were incredibly active.  Ninja fancies squirrels so it is easy to notice those furry little scamps.  Ninja believes in her sincere little doggy heart that it is her life's goal and purpose to catch, and kill or maim all squirrels that cross her path.  Unfortunately for Ninja, I am a bit squeamish when it comes to blood and guts, so my life's goal and purpose (at least when I am walking her) to hold her back from all small woodland creatures.  Thus most of walks, on very squirrelly days, end up with both of us frustrated with each other.  I am annoyed that I have had to tug the leash and say, "Ninja, leave it alone" a thousand times.  She is frustrated to have been on the receiving end of the tugging and crabbing...which I am sure all she hears is, "Ninja! blah ba wah blah".  We came back from the walk today and retreated to our separate corners.  Well, she went to take a nap, and she is a champion at sleeping.  This dog could sleep anywhere, anytime, and fall asleep in seconds.  It is amazing.  That was unnessisary information, but you will forgive me, as I am more prone to ramble when I am writing prone.  So I went to sort out some rubbish upstairs and then took my great fall, that landed me on the sofa.  Now a rambling post about squirrels...yikes.  I have not even looked to see if we have any pain meds in the house.  However, as I look at my rather stream of conscience type of writing I am doing, it seems like I am medicated.  I think it is just because laying down the thoughts come are more random.  It is as if my body posture is welcoming more trivial things.  Or maybe I just wanted to write something, and they can not all be well crafted, perfectly thought out musings.  Today, just musings. Very randomly laid out for you.

Be careful on the stairs or do not let the urge to clean overtake you in the first place.  I wish I would have gotten that memo from the future earlier...but isn't that just the way it goes?

The Waiting Game

Who likes to wait?  In an informal poll of my friends and acquaintances I found exactly zero people like to wait.  No one likes to wait at the doctor's or dentist's office, the post office, the line at the grocery, or even in their own home for a repair or service call.  No one likes waiting.  It stinks.  Today I am doing the "house arrest" wait.  Some may say waiting at home should not be that bad, its your house, you have your stuff.  However, when a service provider gives you a 4 hour window to be at your house, waiting for their arrival...well suddenly "home, sweet home" becomes a holding cell.  Perhaps because I have sat through some of the "wait windows" only to have someone from the scheduling department call and apologize that it will be a few more hours, or even worse the "reschedule call".  OH NO, NOT THAT!!!!  So I wait with some degree of trepidation, expecting the worst so I will pleasantly surprised when I only have to wait three hours of the four hour window.  If a service provider shows up in the first hour of the window it is almost like Christmas coming early.  I dare say I may seem over eager and giddy and I am pretty sure the poor, punctual soul sent to my home thinks I am slightly demented.  I start to consider making them coffee, or offering a soda, and a light snack.  I have done this before and the person always politely declines, and always has a puzzled look upon their face.  I am never sure if it is because no one else ever offers refreshments, or because it is against company policy to accept refreshments, or they are now 100% certain that I am demented.  I am just floored by the person being punctual.

As a rule I run early for most things.  It is just how I am wired.  I am early for doctor's appointments when I know that my doctor runs 15 minutes behind on a very good day.  It is who I am, it will not likely change.  I try to not hold my friends to my same punctual standards because it may be a slightly OCD thing.  I call if I suspect I may be as little as 5 minutes delayed by traffic or weather.  Yes, it is nutty. In my world it is okay to have a few (less than five..to be exact) OCD tendencies.  No, I do not have a degree in psychology, it is just my rule of thumb.  I would be horrible in a job where I was the service provide that needed to show up within a 4 hour window.  I would feel as if I failed if I was not 10 minutes prior to the wait window.  The apologies would be flowing like a river.  I would probably carry goody bags to offer as some apology gift for not being early.  And once again, people would find me utterly demented.  I would never be good at making people play The Waiting Game.

Five for Friday

This week has been unseasonably warm, forcing the spring cleaning to start a bit early...but hey worse things can happen.  Here are my five horribly disjointed thoughts for this week.

1. The Hunger Games.  I read the book in two days.  I loved it, so I will likely be highly critical of the movie.  Why did I read it?  Good question.  I was going to NOT read the book and just see the movie with my 12 year old, who has read the whole series.  However, I have a reading problem, and I was between books, so I read it.  Honestly, from what my daughter had told me about the books, it was not in my general interest area.  Not a huge fan of post-apocalyptic fiction.  Pleasantly surprised that it held my attention.  It is a very disturbing world that this is set it, but does make one think.  Yes, I will read the next two books...eventually.
2. The Vegetarian in My House.  I am very much enjoying finding meat-free meals for my daughter who gave up eating meat for Lent.  My favorite thing thus far are spinach/chickpea patties.  Very tasty.  The only thing holding this family back from being vegetarian is my beloved and bacon.  Yes, my daughter admits she misses bacon.  Not that she ate it everyday, but she has been known to order a veggie burger with bacon and cheese. Bacon is a delicious treat, but it is certainly not within the vegetarian realm.  Perhaps I will look into meat-bacon substitutes...that sounds disappointing already. 
3. Telling Time.  I recently had an experience that made me realize that kids very much struggle with telling time on an analog clock.  Life is just too digital.  I know that this is a skill that is worked on in early elementary in school.  However, this skill is not practiced and reinforced at home, because clocks with actual hands are almost non-existent in homes.  Trust me, I have looked.  Most places have digital clocks.  It makes me wonder if this is even a necessary skill?  Just a odd thought.  I am not anti-analog clock, or telling time.
4. Clowns are Scary.  I am afraid of clowns.  Yes, the jovial kid's party entertainers put me in a state of panic.  I have never been to a circus.  I often say it because I feel the circus is cruel to animals, the elephants, lions, and such.  I do think that is cruel.  Not as cruel as people painted up oddly, wearing large shoes, and horribly mismatched clothes.  Clowns are really freaky.  I break out into a cold sweat when see clowns.
5. Follow me on Twitter.  I signed up for Twitter.  I am not sure why.  I blame the media for always talking about "tweets" and and everyone having an "@________".  So if you are a Twitter-bug follow me @AllieMomma99.  I have only composed but a few tweets, but I may get better.

Happy Weekend!  

Five for Friday

Ahhhh, Friday.  The day that this particular blogger's thoughts turn to the weekend family fun, a possible nap, and boxed red wine.  It also means I can produce five disjointed thoughts into one semi-cohesive blog entry.  I love randomness.  It may be one of my favorite things.

1. I wish there was summer camp for adults.  Swimming, hiking, arts & crafts, singing, campfires, and staying up giggling until the crabby camper yells and makes people shut up. (There is always a crabby camper, they have grown up and now work at the post office or the DMV).  I envy my children heading off for various camps this summer.  I know I had my time.  I just want to do it again, as an older and wiser camper.  My lanyards would have so much more artistic integrity now.
2. Taco Bell is gross.  I am in the minority in my family, and perhaps the whole world, in not liking the faux Mexican food. I lose the battle of where to stop for food on road trips because we are far too democratic for my liking.  I have learned that the bean burrito is the least offensive item on the menu.  In college I was also the lone inebriated person that did not want to indulge in a "run for the border".  As my fellow revelers consumed tacos by the dozen, I would eat crackers and pretzels or just go to bed.
3. We had a beautiful, windy, 60 degree day  on Wednesday.  This day brought all the neighborhood kids outside to ride bikes, kick soccer balls, and just be kids.  I took the opportunity to open up both sliding doors on the mini-van and clean it out.  (I know. I am too much fun.  I should dial it back a bit).  Anyway, the van is cleaned and vacuumed.  When I hopped in my sweet ride on Thursday I had forgotten about the cleaning.  It was like a surprise party.  No joke, I was thrilled with the clean floor mats and lack of debris.  Who knew a person could surprise themselves?
4. The Big Bang Theory, to say I love this show is a gross understatement.  The writing on this sitcom is so insanely amazing it makes me sick.  Who would think a show about university researchers could be so funny?  I do not understand what they do, all that science and theory and numbers.  Turns out it does not matter.  If you do not watch this show, give a chance.  It is a delight.
5. Chicken Shwarma.  I have said it before, I will say it again.  I LOVE IT.  Sadly, chicken shwarma is not a food I can successfully prepare at home.  The pita bread, the seasoned chicken, the pickles, and the garlic sauce are just not ingredients I can properly do justice with at home.  There are two restaurants in the area that make slam dunk, perfect shwarmas.  I also do not eat it alone.  It is a food of friendship and sharing.  Okay, I do not share the shwarma in the way of a split order, but I do need to have someone with me to eat it.  This is the only food that I refuse to consume alone.  Why?  I am not entirely sure.  It is just a food that needs to be eaten with a friend.  That being said, I have not had any shwarma in 2012.  It is time for me to drum up some lunch buddies. Or change my silly rule  

All the best for a great weekend!

Live. Laugh. Love. 

Fast Friday

I won't trouble you with the details of my week. In summary, it has been bad. I also have complete faith that next week will be better. Still, even during a trying spell I have some partially humorous and/or absurd things to share.

1. Teachers promising snow days. My poor kids were assured when they were in school Thursday that the weather was going to get so bad that school would be closed on Friday. Well, it was not. Yes, it snowed, issuing was such a paltry amount that closing school would have caused a parent riot. Kids hate broken promises. Shame on you teachers for giving them false hope.

2. Drug facts. Since I educated myself about drugs via a seminar last week, I feel it is my civic duty to share information with you, my dear reader. I will at some point, but here is a funny thing that happened. The presenters did a great job. Every so often they asked the audience questions. Just basic, "Have you heard of __________?", type questions. If you had heard of whatever, the proper response was to raise your hand. My spouse and I had heard of many of the substances and situations, so we would raise our hands. I guess that our "knowledge" bothered the person sitting next to me. At one point he whispered to me, "You two really know your drugs". Somehow I let this comment go with a smile and a shrug. Mind you these were, "Have you heard of ____________?", not "Do you run a meth lab in your basement?". I guess our lack of ignorance made this man uncomfortable. I think it is funny that he thought we were immersed in the drug culture.

3. Girl Scout cookies are being delivered. This time of year highlights how little my beloved and I communicate about some things. He orders cookies. I order cookies. Not until these cookies start showing up at the house do we ever mention to each other how many cookies or what type have been ordered. Thankfully, these cookies freeze beautifully.

4. Lenten sacrifices. I have officially given up swearing for Lent. Each swear costs me twenty five cents. I think I am at a cool 2 bucks in the tin. Not bad, not perfect either. I have some people and creatures that make me want to swear. Mostly my dog, Ninja. She is the darnedest thing. She insists upon herself. Always underfoot. She makes me nuts. I have also given up raising my voice with the kids. My daughter misunderstood this as I was going to stop nagging or correcting bad behavior...wrong, just doing it in a conversational tone. The tone with the kids is going well. I like not raising my voice in frustration. Yes, I still get frustrated. Yes, they still get corrected. Now I just do not have to apologize for raising my voice. It is a time saver!

Have a great weekend. Spend some time with the people you love and do not forget to tell them how much you love them and value them in your life. Live. Laugh. Love.

Five for Friday

What a week! Looking forward to some fun this weekend...well it better be fun, otherwise I shall be massively disappointed. My five things for this week...

1. Blogger stats. I have never been hugely concerned with how many people read me or who reads me. This is just my little place in cyber-space to be me and say what is bottled up in my crazy brain. (still not medicated...so there haters) Anyway, just today I hit the "stats" button on my blogger dashboard. That was a mistake, because now I know people really do read me. More people than I thought. That being said, if you are mildly entertained by my writing, please feel free to share this blog on your social media (use the links at the bottom of the post) or recommend "This Particular Brand of Crazy" to a friend (or an enemy). You can even make a bold step and "follow" me. Just look to your right and do whatever it says. I will continue to try to keep it real and fun...maybe even real fun. Thanks, it is awesome to know people that are unrelated to me read this. I also appreciate my family & friends that read this blog. It proves that you just can not get enough of this silly woman. xoxo
2. The cereal solution for swearing. Last week I shared my new method to curb my potty mouth. I would like to report it is going well, and I hardly say naughty words anymore. Yes, I would like to report that, however that would mean I am a liar. The blaspheming is much less. My convicted soul is taking care of that, which is good. The vulgar words are still here. Sometimes I just whisper them, but I am still swearing like a sailor for the most part. Furthermore, I think in swear words and most of my dreams could use a 7 second delay as well. I will try harder. Bad habits are hard to break. It's just so fruit loopin difficult.
3. The messy room. I am still not nagging my daughter about her piggy mess of a room. I made one condition, she must put her dirty clothes in the hamper. She was dangerously close to going to school in pajamas or nude at one point. She is not so receptive to the clothing optional lifestyle so the clothes seem to be making to the hamper more often. The door is shut most days. It is my coping mechanism.
4. Toothless people. My son is at that special age when he has lost his two front teeth. Yes, it was like that for Christmas this year. These teeth are growing in sooooo slooooowly. I had to actually stick my fingers in the gap to feel if teeth were under the surface. I was so nervous he had no adult teeth to fill the gap. I did feel tooth nubs, thankfully. He also did not bite me and was very good natured about it. My daughter would have bit me, for sure. She may have even tried to take a swing at me. She is really protective of her personal space. Just ask the nurse that gave her vaccinations before she could start 6th grade. I thought that nurse might have become a toothless person.
5. Needy pets. Generally my dog drives me nuts with her needy needs. Lately, I have actually enjoyed her clinginess. The helplessness has become endearing. Never, ever thought I would enjoy that kind of desperate dependence. Am I becoming soft? Yikes! I will prefer to think I have been worn down and I now am accepting my fate as Ninja's dutiful caretaker. She is an exceptionally sweet dog, with soulful eyes. Ewww...that sounds pretty soft.

Happy weekend.