Crabby Time Crabbiness

In a perfect world __________________, and we would all be happy.

How many different ways can you fill in that blank? I have several. Today I am suffering with "crabby time crabbiness" (CTC). This was an affliction that my children were plagued with from birth to age five between the hours of 4-6 pm, everyday. It was just a bad time of day. I made up a cutesy name for something that was far from cute. Adult cases of CTC seem to be caused by environmental things, and have no particular time of day that the CTC sets in. My case of CTC seems to have flared at 8am today. It was externally set upon me. So instead of letting the CTC take over my day, I am going to share all the simple, and not so simple things that would happen (or not happen) in my perfect world.

In a perfect world...

• cancer would not even be a thing
• people would use "please" and "thank you" with all requests
• everyone would plan ahead and not create "emergencies" for others
• other people's actions would not effect my mood
• dogs would let themselves outside, and not desperately stare at you
• dinner would make itself
• everyone would love every dinner
• no one would sweat the small stuff
• everyone would be content with what they have
• people would celebrate other's success
• jerks would be all banned to one central area away from non-jerks
• every sandwich would taste like someone else made it, even if you made it yourself
• coffee would always be the right temperature
• the litter box would self-clean (just like the cat)
• dessert would not induce guilt
• crabby time crabbiness would not exist

                                                                        ...and we would all be happy.

Oddly, just making that list has made me feel better. It gave me an attitude adjustment. Some the items are so minor, and some are monumental. Sometimes making a list helps focus what we can, and can not change.

Make your list.
Evaluate it.
Come to terms with things you can not change.
Focus on the things that you can fix.

And always, everyday, count your blessings. Blessings always outnumber annoyances.

Wicked Wednesday: Anger Management Edition

Anger is a secondary emotion.  Any therapist worth their weight is salt will tell you anger is a result of frustration, sadness, helplessness, or hopelessness.  They may add more primary emotions that cause people to act out in an angry way.  I have only been a student in a few psychology and sociology classes, not an expert by any stretch of the imagination.  Yes, I give solicited and unsolicited mental health evaluations of people...all the time.  It is what I do, and no one stops me.  I also offer the disclaimer that my opinions are not, and should never be taken as, actual medical advise.  I am all for people going to get some counseling, some people need lots of it.  I have a mental list of people I have encountered that should probably NEVER leave counseling.  They need to be in the care of a doctor or licensed therapist forever...and maybe a day after that too.  My first clue that someone needs to get some help is usually their inappropriate and misplaced anger.  The person that is always sniping at their significant other .  Yelling at their kids.  Getting rude with customer service people (This is the worst.  Imagine becoming so sick with your anger problems that you will take it out on strangers?)  Hideous. Generally, those people that are walking about with the misplaced belief that the world is against them and they are mega pissed off out it.  News Flash: The world is neither for, or against, anyone.  I can not solve anger issues.  I can give no suggestions that make an angry person less angry.  In fact, trying to convince an angry person that they need help, or they need to focus on what is good in life, really only refocuses the anger. (mostly on the person that just suggested they had anger problems)  I do not like being the target of refocused anger.

It is frustrating seeing so much anger in the general population, especially angry children (yes, there are angry children.  It is sad and separate issue).  Yes, we all need to blow off steam and vent frustration.  That is normal.  Finding a safe and healthy way to do that is important.  Sure going out with friends and having some drinks can help, but it could also set up using substances to cover problems.  I do like a good night out, but this is a "use sparingly" solution. I personally enjoy writing my rants down, sometimes I even publish the rants (if it is funny or universally helpful it is generally worth airing my dirty laundry).  Writing helps lay out exactly what bothers me, literally in black and white).  Sometimes it becomes clear that whatever is bothering me is just ridiculous, which is fine, because then I know and I get over it.  Often it helps me profile a situation that I need to either get out of or redefine how I am going to deal with the situation going forward.  Yes, this is my personal anger management style.  Anger happens, but you can not let it consume you, then you become wicked. (the bad kind, the green faced, flying monkey kind of wicked)  Some people use other hobbies to get their minds off angry thoughts and feelings.  Some people exercise to sweat out the negativity.  At times I find this helpful, and the sore muscles give me a sense that I really worked something out.

There are many ways to reduce or eliminate anger.  The best advice ever given to me is from my mother, THIS TOO SHALL PASS.  No, she is not the first person to have ever said those words, but she said them often to me when I was young.  Guess what? 100% of the time this is true.  There is no sense in being an angry jerk.  It helps nothing, solves nothing, and likely cause more issues.  It will all pass.  Life has a funny way of resolving itself.  Give up the anger.  Live. Love. Laugh.

(This post is pretty much proof that  most all the time my writing surprises me.  I really did mean to write a scathingly wicked post about angry jerks, yet somewhere in the process I heard my mom's voice in my head reminding me more of kindness.  She is a gem.  I need to write about her...she is a smart, kind and sassy woman.  She also just totally squashed my Wicked Wednesday post.  Mothers!!!)

Resolutions are for Chumps

The title says it all, resolutions are for chumps.  It has taken me many years to realize this particular fact.  I can be a little slow to catch on sometimes, but never with witty comeback.  I do plan on making some changes in 2013, tweaking my lifestyle, cleaning up, throwing out, eating less, moving more...all the good stuff.  However, I refuse to call any of it a "resolution" because as soon as I do it will become a point of rebellion.  Yes, I am even a petulant child with myself (I am sure this fact is of great comfort and humor to my parents).  No one likes to hear "no" or "you can not" or "you should not" or "you must" and the worst "it is good for you".  All of these things cause a rebellion in my soul.  I do not need my soul to rebel.  Along with the rebellion in the soul, is the fact that falling off the resolution wagon makes people stop making progress.  I say so what if you mess up, start over again.  In the past I have set dates for areas to be cleaned, pounds to be lost, and other goals, and when the goal was not achieved said, "Suck it. I am done", and then was completely annoyed and mad at myself.  Thus leaving a half cleaned out closet, and frustration.  No more big plan.  No more dates.  I am just doing.  I fully accept that I am going to make poor choices, slack off, and be human.  I am cool with that, and I will keep plugging away and making progress.

Perhaps mostly I am learning about being forgiving of myself.  Actually allowing myself to be human.  It is amazing how cruel we can be to ourselves.  How harshly we judge ourselves.  It sets us back when we beat ourselves up constantly over little things.  If  I was as cruel to others as I have been to myself I would not have a friend in the whole world, or a husband, or custody of my children.  I admit I have been a beast to myself.   My inner voice (and we all have one, do not call me crazy) has at times been a soul crusher.  Yes, I have crushed my own soul far more than any other person ever has, or ever could.  That is a rather sickening  realization.  However, I do not think I am unique in this self inflicted agony.  We are brutal to ourselves, too brutal.  Self-kindness is a relatively new concept for me, perhaps something that has evolved over the past five or six years.  And I am still rather imperfect at the whole self-kindness thing too, but I am not giving up on being nice to me.  My inner voice is far more kind than it ever was in my 20's, and let us not even talk about what a bitch my teen inner voice was (UGH!).  Resolutions just give my inner voice food for negativity.  Accomplishing things in real time, whether it is a blog post, or laundry, or a good book, or a long walk, or playing a game with my kids, is far more important, fulfilling, meaningful, and soul building than tasks checked off a time tabled chart.  Sure, goals are necessary at times, but not when they become internal weapons of soul destruction when the standards are not met.  Never give up on being nice to yourself...and if resolutions make you feel like a failure, remember, resolutions are for chumps, and you are no chump.

And, sincere apologies for not bringing the lighthearted funny today, sometimes a girl needs to be serious. It is okay to have feelings and feel those feelings...no matter what your therapist says.  And bonus, you learned I am human and not just a snark machine.        

Watch This!

On December 21st, 2012 the most amazing thing was discovered at my house.  Let me give you some back story before I get to my point. It is the build up that is where the story is...or so I tell myself.  December 21 was a Friday, it was suppose to be the end of the world, but it turns out the Mayans just ran out of circular tablets to chisel (my interpretation based on no fact what-so-ever) Anyway, this day was a busy one.  My son's Cub Scout Pack was having a holiday potluck dinner and I am not just a den leader, but some sort of party planner for the Pack.  My exceptional organization skills, coupled with owning a clipboard have made me seem like a reliable person for such events.  Most of my day was spent making sure my vehicle was loaded with the need table coverings, beverages, the awards for my den...a lot of shit, okay, lots and lots of shit in my vehicle, and a dish to pass.  You may imagine my temperament was less than lovely on this day ( the day the world did not end).  This event coupled with the fact that I had a family party at my house the following Sunday, and of course Christmas the following Tuesday.  It was hot mess time.  I had lists, my lists had lists, my clipboard was full, my wits were at their very end.  The Pack potluck ended up going fine, well it was over and that was all that mattered to me at the time.  A giant check could be made on this event and this day.  I did what most well adjusted people do after making it through a hectic event, I put my kids to bed and opened a beer.  This is where the best thing happened.  My December 21st miracle.  The life changer.  I turned on the television, flipped through the guide of 200 channels that generally disappoint me.  On this day my highlight on the guide stopped at A&E on a show called Duck Dynasty.  Bonus, it was on a marathon. (insert a "YES" with a fist pump)

I had seen posts on my social media about Duck Dynasty.  Some from people I actually respect.  I had never happened across it prior to this night.  The blessing of the Duck Dynasty marathon was exactly what I needed at this moment. (And beer was the correct call on beverage) Here is a brief synopsis of the show...it is a reality show based on the Robertson family of  Louisiana.  The family was poor, but made its fortune through duck calls made by Phil, the patriarch of the family.  Phil's middle son, Willie, went to business school and took the mom & pop business to a multi-million dollar business called Duck Commander and they also make Deer Commander calls.  The back story is great, but the best it just the way the family interacts.  It is a reality show with real feeling.  The Robertson family embraces their humble roots.  They seem to take the term red-neck as badge of honor, which is awesome.  It is just a show you just have to see.  It is funny, heartwarming, and you really just want to go hang out with these people.  My favorites are Jase and Uncle Si (he is a Vietnam veteran who has great stories he claims are 95% true).  I feel sad that I am so late to the DD party.  So if any of you were under the same rock I was...crawl out, now go check out the most fabulous reality show EVER.    

Freshing Up

The old blog has undergone its Spring clean up. I applied a new design template. Moved and added some of the sidebar stuff around, added a topic cloud... I love clouds. I feel like I just redecorated. If only cleaning up my house was so easy and yielded such a quick result.

Happy Places

Today I am dedicating my blog to happy places.  Places that just make me feel serene and at peace.  I know that I can not escape the general hustle and bustle of daily life.  However, it is nice to have pictures that transport me back to place that just filled me with joy.

 This is a waterfall in the upper peninsula of Michigan.  The best part of seeing this waterfall was the long walk on a trail through the woods.

 The Pink House in Savannah, GA.  It is not only lovely to look at, it houses a wonderful restaurant.  My beloved and I went to Savannah for our 15th anniversary.  It is a beautiful city to just stroll around and soak in the southern charm.

Okay, I probably do not need to say where this is or what it is, but it is beautiful.  Disney at Christmas, and at night is amazing.  The castle covered in lights is breathtaking.  Yes, it is very crowded, but if you stand on a bench at just the right moment you can capture a great picture.

Power of Postive Monday

Last Monday my wonderful sister, Betsy, posted on her social media outlet that she was "keeping it positive on Monday". That is a paraphrase, but let us all agree that the first day of the work week is a challenge for many of us. We are not little rays of sunshine. We do not arise from bed doing cartwheels and joyful dance routines. If you say you do, I may call you a dirty, filthy liar. All last week I thought about being more positive about Monday. I decided this week I would be painfully optimistic when my alarm jolted me from bed at 5:45am. I indeed did feel cheery, tired, but cheery as I let the dog out, started the coffee, and commenced the morning routine. My daughter was her usual bleary eyed, slightly surly self, and I embraced that. I took the growled answers to questions in stride. She is not allowed to have two or three cups of coffee, so of course she is not as conversational as I am. Who could be? My spouse, who is allowed to drink all the coffee he wants was not buying into positive attitude Monday. It is my social experiment, not theirs. So I had two gloomy people, and yet my good cheer persisted. I was starting to think that I was on my way to being Little Miss Sunshine, and it was not even 7am! Then my favorite morning show started. I start everyday with Good Morning America. It is just what I do. I get to make lunches, ready others, and myself for the day with GMA as my background. It works. Well, today it was all about a recently deceased musician, who will remain nameless. (You know who it is). This was a direct challenge to my "stay positive" pledge. Why you ask? Here is why. Lots of people die everyday. If we as a society hype one person's demise more than another then the news would be a constant running obituary. Wouldn't that be a downer? Death is part of life. Certainly anyone who died this past weekend will be missed by their loved ones. Yes, tell us on the news of a notable person's death, but do not let it hijack the whole program. So that challenged me. I did complain, briefly, to a friend. Then I moved on with my positive day. (Face it, I was already impressed that everyone got to work and school and I had been painfully upbeat. I was already winning. One small complaint was not tarnishing my day, in my opinion) All was going well with my day. Being positive, productive, and kind. Then 5:00pm hit, and the universe attacked. First, my lovely dog stole and chewed up a tax document. She NEVER eats paper. She steals stuffed animals from the kids, but she does not eat paper. She does not even chew the stuffed animals, just kidnaps them into the back of her crate. Today, of all days, she decides to start eating paper. Nice. Why not just some junk mail? Do tax documents just taste better? So I flipped out. Not incredibly positive. However what happened next made the tax document situation seem very small. I noticed the message light flashing on the home phone. I am very bad at checking the messages on the land line. If you want to talk to me text me or leave a voicemail on my mobile. Anyway, I listened to the message. It was from 3:30 pm today. Cool, at least it was somewhat current. It was Chase fraud protection. Never cool. The whole please call us as soon as possible. Very not cool. So I write down the number and call. My chest had tightened and I felt like vomiting, this is never good. I am very intuitive. My bad feelings are seldom wrong. Yikes! I spoke with the nicest woman who informed me of several attempted charges on my account from yesterday and today. Charges in Texas, New York, Rhode Island, New Jersey, and one from Michigan. Nothing I had charged. I had the horrible cold sweat rolling down my back, and my pits (your welcome for the TMI). The list was extensive. I am the only one on this card. There is only one card. I was holding it in my sweaty hand. I was about to flip out. Then the lovely woman on the other end of the phone said, "Well, we are just going close this card. Since you have our fraud protection, you will incur none of these charges." Positivity restored. This amazing woman then explained the process, the papers I will get, several other things I need to do. All very doable things. Sure it is a bit of a time inconvenience, but not as bad as taking a financial hit for some crummy criminal. Yes, I am really upset that some people steal. The places that this person attempted to use my card were not places that supply people's needed items. The places were all hotels, and stores that supply "wants". It is just so far from anything I would ever do. I know I am a total stranger to whomever did this. I am just 16 digits that could get them stuff. It is sad that the world has people that are so void of values. I am glad I am not none of them. I am glad I have family and friends that would never stoop to such levels. I am also glad that I have fraud protection on my credit cards and that it really works. I am also glad I can find so much positive in a pretty negative experience. Next Monday I will also choose to positive. I just hope the universe does not read my blog or social media posts if I decide to go public with my unflappable cheery outlook.