Five for Friday

It is FRIDAY. And let us all thank God.

I am pretty much done with this week.

I am pretty much done with this month.

February has the fewest days of any month, but this month drags on like no other. I am recommending cutting a few more days from February. If any one knows where to send this month shortening request, let me know. It is just a proposal at this point. I can not find a point person for the Julian calendar. I was hoping it would be on Twitter so I could mean tweet it. So aside from February...here are my five things for Friday...

1. Rage Against the Machine. My garage door is a jerk. Technically it is the garage door opener. Mechanically it is sound, but the eye-beams keep going on the fritz whenever the mood strikes. The repair person has been out twice this week. Nothing needs to be replaced, in his professional opinion. It is just a total craps shoot if this door will go back down after it is up. I have learned how to override the eye-beam system. But it is annoying. Yes, this is a first world problem. I know people that have to park outside, on the street. I should be grateful. But I am still pretty darn annoyed.
2. The Polar Vortex.  I am done hearing about the polar vortex. Actually, polar vortexes, since there have been more than one this winter, and more in the forecast. If you have never felt -17 to -25 Fahrenheit wind chills over a several day period...count yourself very lucky. It is miserable. The dog is depressed because she can not go outside for more than 5 minutes at on time. The kids are sick of it. Everyone is just done with cold. I think I speak not for just myself, but the entire state of Michigan, and perhaps the whole Midwest.
3. Mom and Stylist Some how, I have no idea how or why, my daughter finds that I have a good eye for fashion. Not for day to day dressing, but for occasions like dances and parties. She actually consults me on what to wear, and how to wear it. She likes me to accessorize and put together the right hair & make-up. I have no training in fashion, other than I dress myself each day. Being the stylist for my daughter is a lot of fun. When I am in the shops and hear girls complaining to their mothers about clothing suggestions, I realize I am insanely lucky. Never once have I been told my suggestions are "lame" or "stupid". We have other areas where we disagree, it is not all sunshine and roses, but we somehow we bond over clothing. I will take it.
4. One to Watch Have you watched House of Cards?  It is a NetFlix series. It is addictive. I ignored NetFlix recommending this show to me for a long time. I am not sure why. I love politics. Washington DC is one of my favorite towns. This series really pumps up the political drama. The main character, played by Kevin Spacey, is truly Machiavellian. He is a detestable, manipulative, and horrid person. Yet I can not stop watching. 
5. One to Read My beloved gives me books each Christmas. He knows I love to read. He never asks me for suggestions for books, yet he always seems to find books I enjoy. This year he gave me Orphan Train by Christina Baker Kline. It is a beautifully written and told in a parallel story style. It is a redemptive, and hopeful story. It is fiction, but based on events that truly happened. Check it out. It is a good read that will leave you wanting more. (That is always the sign of a good book, wanting more of the story)

That is what I have for this week, two gripes and three praises. Enjoy your weekend. Think warm thoughts.

I Admire You

I do not use the word "admire" very often.  Correction, I use the word "admire" often, but generally in a sarcastic and snarky way where it pretty much means the opposite.  However today, I am talking true admiration for a special group of people.  People I really did not know existed. A very rare breed of people.  These people are divorced people that co-parent and treat each other with respect, kindness, and a genuine caring. One former couple that I know does this amazingly well.  We have same aged kids in activities together so we encounter each other often.  I knew this couple divorced several years ago.  My husband did not realize they were divorced until a few weeks ago when their child said something about "at my dad's house" in front of my beloved.  This prompted some questions later to clear up his confusion.  Here are the reasons he believed them to be married...

• They sit by each other at events
• They talk and laugh with each other
• Their kids are good and well adjusted (this is based on observation, they could be monsters at home, but he has never seen it)
• They speak kindly about each other

(Okay, maybe the above does not seem like remarkable stuff, but my beloved and I really love each other and often just sit in silence with each other at public events (and on our own couch).  It is not an uncomfortable silence.  We just do not feel like talking.)

I have always believed this un-couple was just a anomaly, pretty much two peace doves in the the world of divorce that has so many acrimonious vultures.  I admire them.  I do not admire that they are not together anymore, but the fact that they have risen above whatever caused them to divorce to be parents to their kids first, is beautiful.

Just a few days ago I found out another one of my daughter's friends has peacefully divorced parents as well. I would have never guessed they were not together, for pretty much the same reasons my beloved listed above for the other super un-couple.  Kindness, respect, and genuine caring can be felt around these co-parents.  How did these people learn to put the resentment and other broken relationship garbage away?  It is so unselfish.  It is so admirable.

I am not sure if I could be that kind and respectful if I were divorced from my beloved.  The very ugly truth about me is, I like to be right, and I like to win.  I fight with these truths about myself.  Constantly asking myself;  is "being right" is worth the fight?  No, is generally the correct answer.  However, when I am hurt or feeling insecure (the type of feelings very present in a broken relationship), it is challenging for me to not fall back into "being right" and "win at all costs" mode.  Human nature is real jerk sometimes.

I admire those people who have decided (I honestly believe they have made a very deliberate choice) to be friendly with their ex-spouse.  Whether their kids know it now, or maybe will only realize it much later, their mom and dad put them first.  These co-parents put aside their brokenness in favor of their kids' completeness.  This is something I can truly admire.

Mistakes & Myths

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. --George Bernard Shaw

Does anyone else subscribe to the Oprah Magazine daily e-mail?  Please say you do, I need to feel some community in my in-adequateness.  I subscribed years ago, when Oprah still had her talk show.  I was an occasional watcher.  I like her interview style, and she really does like a lot of cool stuff, so the "Favorite Things" shows always sucked me in hard.  Anyway, each day I get an e-mail about "Living My Best Life", no harm in trying to be the best me I can be, right?  Life coaching and guidance through the inbox.  Good stuff.  Lately most of the titles contain the word "mistakes" or "myths".

The Six  Hair Mistakes (hint: quit talking to your hairdresser, you are compromising your hairstyle)

The Ten Biggest Relationship Mistakes (oddly sharing to many common interests, and not sharing common interests are both no-nos)

The Biggest Mistakes Women Make When Dieting (Creating too much of a calorie deficit through under eating and over exercising.)

5 Diet Myths Making You Gain Weights (as told by Dr. Oz...do not even get me started) He restates the above "diet mistake" and you need to quit diet soda.

4 Myths About Anti-Depressants (also by Oz) (they are not "happy pills")

So this is the stuff that greets me every morning in my inbox.  All the myths I am believing and mistakes I am making.  It becomes a game to see what I am doing right.  In reading all the myths and mistakes, which are meant to help guide one to being better, or making better choices, a person can, at the least, get rather confused, and at the worst, start feeling like a colossal hot mess.

Lately, I have started to think making mistakes is fine. Is it really so bad to believe in myths?  As a kid I pretty damn happy believing in Santa and the Tooth-fairy.  Loot rolled in.  Life was good.  Granted, the Santa myth is rather harmless, and harboring other false beliefs can be more dangerous.  I guess the whole thing with "Myth Lists" is you sometimes feel like a dummy for not realizing you were off the mark.  However, mistakes are not bad.  Mistakes are some of life's best teachers.

Do not fear mistakes. You will know failure. Continue to reach out. --Benjamin Franklin

 As a mother of a teen daughter I am very guilty of trying to keep her from making mistakes.  (I admit I am a huge hypocrite, and she knows it)  Sure, there are some things that  through sharing stories can help teach and mold.  I certainly do not want her to learn not to drink and drive by getting in a horrific crash.  I do not want her to OD and go to rehab to learn that drugs are dangerous.  The big mistakes I am perfectly willing to share news articles, and other sources to help impress that these are mistakes she does not even want to dabble with.  It is the smaller, but still painful, stuff  that I struggle to not lecture upon.  Most of this involves relationships. Things like, putting to much caring and trust in people that will not reciprocate.  Liking someone who does not even have a inkling of clue how awesome she is as a person.  Believing the myths someone tells to get what they want.  Believing the myth that it does not matter. I never want her to have her heart broken.  I want her to never make mistakes that will hurt.  When I write that I see how absurd it sounds.  Mistakes do hurt.  Some hurt worse than others.  Some myths, like Santa, are harmless, and some are far more insidious.
 
I mock the Oprah Magazine site for sending me lists of mistakes not to make, and myths not to believe so I can I have my "best life".  As if you can really "learn life" from reading an article, or attending a lecture. All the while, I am doing the same thing.  I want to lecture and curate the perfect easy, breezy high school experience for my daughter.  Perhaps that is the big myth I need dispelled.  High school is neither easy, or breezy.  It is a bunch of confused half-adult, half-children wandering about trying to figure out what the heck is happening to them. I just happen to have a very serious interest in only one of these half & half creatures.  I want to send her a list of mistakes not make, and myths to disregard.  I want her to read each bit of information and wisdom as if it were heaven sent.  It is not.  It is just from a person was there, made mistakes, got hurt, got up, and did better the next time.  I would not give up any of it because it helped me become wise.  However, now I have to watch one of the most important people in my life make mistakes, get hurt, get up, and do better the next time.  I need to let her become wise.  You can not give wisdom, you have to earn it.

And no lists or articles in the world could have ever, even remotely, prepared me for this.  

Mommy & We

This week my beloved is traveling on business, which his jobs calls for on occasion.  Many people have spouses that travel far more often than mine, and I am not being "woe is me" about my situation.  My kids are good, helpful, and fun to be around, so we make the best of it.  However, if you are accustom to having another full grown adult around for conversation in the evenings, or to help drive a shift or two for the various activities, it can be a little crazy at times.  I am documenting the days for this trip in my public forum.  In case you never have the opportunity to single parent, you can live vicariously through me.  Or maybe you are a full time single parent and you can call me a whiner.  Either way, I am putting it out there...

Day 1:  No one died today.  My greatest accomplishment was cleaning the bathrooms.  I even washed down the walls and ceiling with a bleach solution.  It all started with a cobweb in one corner of the bathroom, and it became a "If You Give a Pig a Pancake" situation. (If you do not understand that children's literature reference, get yourself to the local bookstore and read it.  You can just stand in the aisle and read it, tell them I said it was okay).  Anyway, the bathroom is so clean I could have served dinner off the floor.  I did not.  We went out for chicken shwarma.  It is my comfort food, garlicky chicken and pita bread.  Happy.  My daughter talked about the upcoming Homecoming dance and who was going with whom, and how she likes her dress so much because it's "classy not trashy"...(you bet it's classy.  I paid for a classy dress.  Like I am letting my kid out of the house looking like a Vegas showgirl? No offense to the showgirl population).  My son asked at least fifteen questions about dances.  What it's it?  Where is it?  Do you have to have date?    Do you have to wear shoes?  Are there teachers at the dance?  What if the music is bad?  If you do not dance do you have to leave? Can I go see the dance?  Why not?  Why are you so mean?  Why can't I ask anymore questions?  People who ask a lot of questions learn the most.  No, I do not want to get punched.  That was a stupid question.  It was enjoyable to see someone else in the hot seat getting rapid fire questions, but when the threats of violence erupted, I stepped in and fixed it.  Everyone showered, and then bedtime.
Day 2:  No one died today, but threats were made.  I met my friends for coffee, it was the brightest part of my day.  I love those crazy ladies, mostly because they love this crazy lady right back.  The dog stared at me and then started making gagging noises.  I tried not to take it personally, but it hurt.
Day 3:  3:46am awakened by the cat licking  my nose.  She had done this to my beloved Saturday night.  I was hoping he was just special.  Nope, the cat is a freaky nose-licker.  I sat awake for 30 minutes wondering whether this was a valid reason to return the cat to the animal shelter.  Decided when she starts chewing our faces off I will make a stand.  Re-awoke at 5:30 to start the day.  No one died.  Wednesday is crazy after-school schedule day.  Out of kindness, I brought my daughter a mocha at school where she was waiting for an hour between dismissal and practice.  She appreciated it.  Her friends seemed annoyed that I neglected to get them mochas.  Kids today seem pretty entitled.  I only have resources enough to spoil the two kids I birthed.  No one was lost or left behind.  No panicked calls were made.  I declare victory upon this day.  I am still very suspicious of the cat.
Day 4:  Great victories were achieved before 9am!!!  I had to sign up my Webelos scouts up for some field trips at our local nature center.  The line for this is always HUGE.  I farmed my son off to a neighbor to get him on the bus.  Then I went to wait in line.  Thankfully, another leader from my Cub Scout pack was there.  She was first in line, and people were walking in and lining up with their fellow pack leaders.  My leader friend (and overall awesome person) waved me up.  OH YES!  I am in the front!!! I passed go, I collected my $200.  At the front of the line, still waiting for registration to begin, she explained another leader gave her registrations to turn in for the Bear workshops.  We planned it so I registered all the Webelos I & IIs and she went to the Bear line.  Naturally, being first, we got in to the sessions we needed.  Euphoria, may not even adequately describe the joyful feeling.  I needed this "simple win".  I needed to feel like I got away with something.  Being the solo-parent for four days wears on a person.  My spouse is flying home as I write this post.  I know he is excited to be back home.  I am happy to soon have another adult around.

I give massive amounts of credit to people who walk the parenting path solo everyday.  It is tiresome, and a bit lonely.  I am gladly counting down the hours to the return of dual parenting.

Busy Rebelling

This week I have been too busy, not that I like it, or I am proud of it.  I am not.  Busy is like a disease sometimes.  If you do not do anything to stop it, it just gets worse.  The more you do, the more people ask you to do, the more you agree to do, and if you are highly competent you can plan on having plans everyday for eternity (okay, I exaggerate a bit). In general Americans seem very proud to be overly busy.  I have friends (and I love them dearly) that will open up their calendar or their calendar app, and show how insanely packed their days and weekends are for the next month or two months.  At times I feel as if they are challenging me to a "busy off".  I am not taking the bait.  I am not proud when my time is double and triple booked.  I do not like to have to serve my family convenience foods, with crappy nutrition because I have spent my day running about, in meetings, or other busy tasks.  I want to enjoy my life.  I want to enjoy my kids.  I want to enjoy my husband.  And I do not want to schedule time to enjoy them.  How hurtful it must be to have your beloved say, "Get out your calendar and let us schedule time for a date night".

How about just spending time together, and paring down on all the extra stuff?  How about asking yourself what your priorities are, and being honest about it?  If something is a priority YOU WILL MAKE TIME FOR IT.  Your partner should not be made to feel like a dentist appointment that needs to be scheduled.  Being busy is just a very good excuse.  It is socially acceptable to be insanely busy.  The chronically busy are lauded as great, productive, and helpful people.  Yes, they are.  However, let us ask ourselves, at what cost?  Probably at the cost of their family, and their own inner peace.

I am not claiming to have it all figured out, but I am telling you, I am no longer proud to be busy.  "Busy-Bee" is not a badge of honor I want to wear.  I would rather be known for how many games I played with my kids, how many books I have read, how many lunches I have had with friends, how many inside jokes my beloved and I have, and a thousand other things that really matter.  I am starting my rebellion against being busy.

Monday Funday: Presidential Edition

Today my kids have the day off school.  Thus it is a Monday Funday, by default...even if the most fun thing we did was eat Taco Bell for lunch, and get our eyebrows threaded (for the record 2 of us threaded, my son waited and rolled his eyes...his future wife will thank me for the training.)  I am glad the kids had a free day because I could make them watch the Presidential Inauguration   I watch the Inauguration no matter who is elected, whether I voted for them or not, I will watch them sworn into office.  It makes it official.  My kids need to know that we are truly fortunate to live in a nation that leaders are elected and placed into office in a peaceful ceremony.  Obviously, this year the same president and vice president were sworn in that already held the job, so seamlessness is somewhat insured.  However, even when a new person takes office it is a changing of the guard that is not full of tumult and drama for the nation.  It makes the United States rather special.  Yes, I am hardly objective in my view of my country.  I am very proud.  I also hold the leadership of our nation in high regard.  The President of the United States deserves our respect because he is the President.  Regardless of party affiliation or any particular stance on any issue.  The office deserves respect, and the person sitting in that office deserves respect for all he (and someday, she) sacrifices to lead our nation.  I would never want to be POTUS.  I said exactly this to my daughter this morning as we were preparing for the Inauguration ceremony.
(She had a worksheet she needed to complete as she watched the ceremony.  So, I really could force her to watch with me and listen to my ramblings about how beautiful the Capitol building looked and how much I love the monuments in Washington DC.  Thank you Ms. Hubacher for the Social Studies assignment, it gave me a captive audience.)
My daughter asked me why I would not want to be POTUS .
(She lives under the assumption that I would love to boss the free world around as much as enjoy bossing her around.  The free world would probably follow my authority more willingly than my 13 year old daughter.)
I told her reason number one is I like my privacy.  I do not want my life scrutinized, my outfits criticized, my words & gestures analyzed, and most of all, my family put out for public consumption and ridicule.  I am tough, but I am not that tough.  I am also a major league Mama Bear, and if someone criticized one of my kids or my beloved it would get ugly...fast.  Being POTUS is no walk in the park.  It is not for the weak, scared, or timid.  The decision to put yourself into public office comes at such a huge personal cost.  I would not be willing to pay that price.  So I instill respecting our leaders. Strong leaders are needed.  I do not discourage public leadership as a goal for anyone.  If someday one of my children wants to be a public official, I will campaign my ass off for them.  I will write stump speeches, hang signs, make phone calls, shake hands, and not swear in public, just for my kid.  I will do whatever it takes to get them elected.  I will also admire how brave they are for giving up so much personal freedom and privacy for the greater good.  I could never do it, but I am amazing grateful to, and respectful of, all of those that do.

Damn Near Survivalists...yeah whatever

This past weekend a bold move was made in my household.  Something that borders on sacrilegious in some circles.  Something so heinous we waited for our teenage daughter to be out of town for the weekend before we made our move.

We disconnected the cable.  Yup, if you come to our house you will be watching TV through the antennae.  High Def air signal.  Let me tell you, it is not as horrible as it sounds.  We get a lot of stations, the major networks, PBS, and some other riff raff stations.  Its going to be fine.  I think of it as being a survivalist right now, living off the entertainment that floats in the air around us.  Our daughter was appalled when she arrived home to a place void of any cable boxes.  She asked several times if we were joking.  She asked if we just hid the cable boxes as a joke. (As if we would move furniture and go to such trouble for a joke.  C'mon lazy apple, you came from these lazy trees).   She was genuinely shocked, which surprised me because we have talked of disconnecting cable for close to a year now.  That is how we roll, lots of discussion, so much chatter you become certain nothing will ever really happen, then BAM a decision is made and swift action is taken.  It is actually rather exciting when my beloved and I decide to take action.  Cue the A-Team theme music...a plan is coming together!

The decision to cancel cable was based on several factors, here are what I would say are the top five.  If you corner my beloved he will give you five absolutely different reasons.  This probably explains why swift action must be preceded by several months of debate.

1. Eldest child's poor TV choices.  My daughter, I love her, she is smart, lovely, and talented, but she has horrible taste in TV shows.  She loves really bad reality TV.  Dance Moms is a favorite.  She has been known to watch Toddlers in Tiaras marathons (yuck).  In fact almost anything shown on TLC can become her "favorite".  Worse than just watching these shows, she also would DVR the shows.  The amount of hours of stupidity recorded on the DVR was ridiculous.  To save her beautiful mind the cable had to go away.
2. My own poor TV choices.  I fully understand where my daughter gets her penchant for crappy TV.  I am a recovering Bravo TV junkie.  I will watch any season and any location of The Real Housewives franchise.  I love those rich bitches.  The arguments. The augmentations.  The botox.  The drama.  It is like crack.  Like a true addict, I would hide my passion and watching of these shows.  NEVER would I DVR an episode.  Nope, I found out that all the episodes were carefully saved for me in the OnDemand feature of our former cable carrier.  I loved that stuff.  I am going to miss it.  I am getting the shakes just thinking about it.  However, I am on the wagon.  I will miss you Andy Cohen and all the Bravolebrities.  I will miss you, deeply miss you.  (Note to local friends, DO NOT let me in your homes to covet your Bravo.  Give me some red wine and listen to to whine, but do not let me go back to that place...it is too much)
3. The 200 channels of background noise.  We found that we really did not actively watch too many shows.  Often the TV is on and each of us has some other device going.  My husband is on his computer or smartphone.  I am on my iPad.  The kids both have iPod touch devices.  So the TV was just background noise.  We have a few shows that we really watch and they are all on network TV.  Spending money for background noise seems silly.  (Note: My beloved and I would probably agree this is top shared reason)
4. Netflix and other streaming services.  Cable seems silly when you can get streaming feeds of programs you actually want to watch through gaming systems.  We just realized we can watch YouTube clips on the big screen of the TV through the PlayStation 3.  Which is awesome since one of our favorite things is to refer each other to crazy stuff we have seen on YouTube.  It becomes a shared activity with all of us contributing to the entertainment.  It is a modern day variety show where we are the producers and directors and captive audience.
5. Money.  I love it when people say, "It is not about the money", that is my clear indicator that is indeed, without a doubt, about the money.  Who does not like having extra money every month?  Fools, that is who.  Cable was a money drain, like a dripping faucet, or a drafty window.  It is not a life changing amount of money being saved, but it is a family night out per month amount.

So now we live a cable-less life.  We are damn near survivalists.  Okay we are nothing close to survivalists.  I know, any day now,  my daughter will forgive us.  Soon the glamorous lives of vapid, self-absorbed people will not be horribly missed.  My son was pretty nonchalant about the whole removal of cable.  He even helped move some furniture to unhook the boxes.  And of course, my beloved, is 100% behind the decision, so he will admit to missing nothing.  We shall see when baseball season rolls around.   I am not going to be so bold as to say we will never go back to cable.  We are not known for quick decisions, or for not changing our minds.   

All Kinds of Blindness

Last night I was watching 60 Minutes, yes the durable television news show, and no, I did not then look for Murder She Wrote reruns to watch afterward, (but I thought about it).  First of all I love 60 Minutes, always have, even as a child.  This fact has nothing to do with my topic today, but I feel it necessary to let you know that if it is covered on 60 Minutes, it is relevant to me.  I also miss Andy Rooney, and felt like he was own crabby granddad (he was not).

Anyway, the wonderful Leslie Stahl did a piece on Face Blindness.  What?  Yes, some people can not visually discern between faces.  Even the faces of their own family members.  All faces just look like eyes, nose, and mouth.  Facial features between people are indistinguishable to those afflicted with face blindness.  This seemed so amazingly odd to me.  All the people that were interviewed for this piece were of normal (and a few of extremely high) intelligence, and had successful careers.  Some had families, one woman could not identify a picture of her own daughter's face.  Really these were regular people that can not recognize faces.  This was simply astonishing to me.  These people rely on voice, body shape, and other features to identify people.  So the changing of a hair color or style, could result in a face blind person not recognizing you at all, even if it is a close co-worker or spouse or sibling.  The kicker...most of these people did not realize they had an issue recognizing faces until adulthood.  They all admitted they were always challenged in social situations, but had (and still have) no idea what they are missing.

My son is colorblind.  It is a genetic trait so he always was and will see color in a way that most of the population will never understand.  Yes, most colorblind people can see color, but differently, a bit more muted in shading.  Their world is not black and white. Complete color blindness does exist, but is very uncommon. Honestly, I did not have confirmation that my little guy was colorblind until a year ago.  All through pre-school and kindergarten he identified colors on all assessment with no concerns mentioned by his teachers.  Looking back, this is pretty amazing because some shades of greens, blues, purples, and grays are all very similar for him.  He compensates by memorizing shadings and having reference items for colors.  It is quite amazing that at seven years old he does this.  Then I remember, that is all he knows.  He has no idea what he is not seeing.  I only know from doing some research how he does see things, but only in a very limited way.

 Normal color vision seeing
 rainbow colors.

 My son seeing rainbow colors with his
type of color deficiency.

These are the rainbow color pictures that I  found most helpful in understanding red/green color deficiency.  Which is my son's type.  There are several types of color deficiency.  Selfishly, I only care about the one that effects him.  Mostly because I have to help him in some situations.  I am completely amazed that we had no idea.  It really shows how much people can compensate for conditions.  I also feel sad when I look at the two different pictures of a rainbow, because I can see how many colors he will never see.  However, as I said before, he does not know, he will never know.  FYI, his favorite color is blue, which is cool because know we are seeing the same thing.

These two examples of blindness, that those afflicted have no idea what they are missing, remind me that we all have blindness in our life.  Most of our blindness can not be diagnosed by doctors like face blindness and colorblindness. Some people are blind to other people's feelings, some are blind to bad relationship patterns,  some are blind to their own ignorance.  We all are a blind in some way.  Perhaps going through our whole lives not knowing what we are missing and not seeing.  Sometimes this is good, sometimes it is bad.  I know that my son's color blindness has helped me understand him in a different way.  I admire how hard he has to work to compensate, and he has no idea.  My spouse often puts things in perspective for me at by saying, "You know, sometimes we don't know, what we don't know".  And I guess that statement covers all kinds of blindness.

Calling Home

I currently live a solid three hour drive from my parents, siblings, and the town which I grew up. One would think after seventeen years of being in my current location, one husband, two kids, several pets, and a lovely group of friends that I love later, I should call this place "home". You would think, but I do not. Whenever I refer to going to see my sister and parents I always say, "I am going home". A friend called me on this point when I was telling her I was going home to see my sister and her baby. She said, "You always say 'going home' when drive you go across the state. Don't you think this is your home?"

I did not really answer her. This was a big thinking point for me. I do have a home here, in my current location. I have a family all my own and they are great. I do feel very at home here. However, when I am with my parents, sister and brother I feel completely at home. The five of us that compose my family of origin are my true home. My parents do not even live in the same house I grew up in, but the "home" I refer to is the people, not a brick and mortar structure. These are the people to this day I scarcely have to say a word and they know what is going on. My sister and I can say one word or gesture and we dissolve into laughter or tears. People around us just stare at the spectical we cause with our "Betty & Wilma" laugh. (My husband coined the laugh the Betty & Wilma after the Flintstone characters. It is a fairly accurate description). It is "home home" when I am there. It is certainly not a slight or a criticism of my current home. I created my current home. I have hand picked the husband, the friends, and so many other elements. The kids are clearly a shared production, and I give credit where credit is due, we did fine work. Building a new home took years and it was not easy. Plenty of times I went home to see my family and I just wanted to stay. Everything in my original home is easy. It was established before I was born and I just blended in seamlessly. I never have to explain to my family anything about me. They know me. They get it. Sure they may think some things are odd or silly, but to them it's just, "Allie being Allie". It is wonderful to have that place where things are easy and people are accepting. That is home. Home, sweet home.

My current residence and community are nice. I have grown accustom to the way things work, where things are, and it is good. However, like I already mentioned, it has been a lot of work. It is hard not seeing my mom and sister as often as I would like. We have built a network of close friends that feel somewhat like brothers and sisters. Our friends treat our kids like nieces and nephews, which is a great blessing. Finding that network of friends took a long time. Yes, this place is my new home. I feel bad that many of my friends do not understand my attachment to my home three hours away. Most of them grew up here, have parents and siblings here. They do not understand the attachment to home, because their adult home and childhood home are so close. I also know that this home I created over the past seventeen years is what my kids will call "home" when they get older. Hopefully, we have created a place that they can pine for as I still do to this day. No matter where a person goes in life, it always nice to have a place you can always call home.