Consciously Annoyed

Have you ever wondered how much further Gwenyth Paltrow can get up her own ass? She will certainly find any polyps on her own colon. I have done a great job of ignoring her "lifestyle" website, and generally ridiculous life choices (i.e. naming a child "Apple"). However, recently she has pulled two very public displays of cluelessness that have shaken me from my silence.

1. Her desire to call her divorce from Chris Martin a "conscious uncoupling" is the limit. You can call things whatever you want in your little special world, but I am pretty sure if you want your "conscious uncoupling" to be legal, you will need to sign a decree of divorce. No matter what you call it, your kids are still probably not happy that mom & dad are not together. I have no opposition to divorce, or interest in telling people how to live their lives. I do have a problem with people making up kinder, gentler, fuzzy terms for things that are not. Divorce is real. It happens to half of people who get married. People handle the dissolution of their unions in many ways. If Gwennie and Chris want to keep their divorce friendly, great. That is the best choice for your kids and for your state of mind. However, making up new, happy words for something does not make it any more clear for your kids. Along with having wedgie inducing names, now they can sound pretentious saying, "My mum and dad are consciously uncoupled". It is silly. It is pretentious. Using such ridiculous terms makes the general public "involuntarily regurgitate in our oral cavities, a little"
2. Gwenyth also seems to believe being an actress is so much more difficult that being a mom who works a regular 9-5 job. Click here to read the wonderful Open Letter to Ms. Paltrow about how completely horrific her working conditions must be. All of America, no, all of the world feels your pain. It must be difficult having homes on different continents and managing a staff of nannies and assistants. We feel your pain. We all shake our heads and wonder how you manage. Poor thing, and all while going through a conscious uncoupling.

Perhaps we should have a telethon to raise money for a cure for Chronic Cranium Rectumitis? There is clearly a very fine celebrity sufferer that can be the poster girl for the cause.  

Marching Band Rules

My very musically gifted daughter has joined her high school's marching band.  Okay, she pretty much joined it back in June, that is how long the band has been meeting and practicing.  They practice a lot.  A LOT.  Long practices.  Frequent practices.  Many, many, many practices.  They went away to camp, the whole lot of them, and practiced playing and marching and moving.  They are pretty good.  I say this with a completely untrained eye and ear.  I never marched.  I attempted to play musical instruments, with little success, even though I was stationary in a chair the entire time.  I am not musical.  I am creative, and gifted in other ways.  I can make up alternate lyrics to almost any song (the pitch of the signing is sketchy).  I can write simple poems.  I write this blog (although I am not sure if that qualifies as "being creative", but I write and people understand what I write.  The word on the street is, not everyone can write in a way people understand their message.).   Non-musical mom says this marching band is pretty good.  Mom who is rather sick of driving back and forth says, "They better be good for all the practicing they do.  For all the practicing, they should be marching down the streets of Pasadena on New Year's Day in the blessed Rose Bowl Parade".  Sick of driving mom is pretty grouchy, but she has a solid point.

Marching Band, from my rookie marching parent perspective, seems to have a set of rules.  Not necessarily written rules, but rules like prison.  Unwritten, sometimes unspoken rules, that you must figure out to move seamlessly among the other inmates marching parents.  I am not sure if a veteran marching parent will shiv you for messing up, or breaking a rule, but they may shun you or talk behind your back.  (I am a direct kind of girl.  I may prefer a shiv between the shoulder blades).  Anyway, here are the rules I have surmised thus far:

Marching Band Rules

1. The band will compete in competitions.  When you ask what exactly marching band competitions are,  you will be told, "Competitions are so much fun".  When you try to get beyond "the fun" aspects, you will be asked to drive several marchers to the competition, and help haul props out on the field for performances.  That sounds like work, I am not sure where any fun will be had . 
2. Practice begins fifteen minutes before the stated time. 
3. Practice ends ten to fifteen minutes later than the stated time. 
4. The drums are always playing.  Percussionist do not care, they never did.  I am curious to see what the walls must look like in a drummer's home.  God bless those parents.
5. The Marching Band will always be doing some type of fundraiser. I could go on a preach on how the Arts are underfunded, and it is a shame.  I could tell you how playing an instrument is connected with higher achievement in math.  I won't.  I will just try to sell you some festive holiday greenery, or flowers in the spring.
6. To be in band your student must purchase shirts indicating their class, their section, and the show they are performing this season in the band.  The student will hit up the parents for the money.
7. Band Parents are to wear shirts indicating they are part of the marching band.
8. Band Parents sit near the band at football games.
9. Your marcher will be tired all the time, but still want to attend the frequent, long practices
10. You will ALWAYS be able to see your marcher (and they will look the best) even though the goal is for the whole band to blend together as a single moving force.

I know this much to be true of marching band.  I alternately hate and love the marching band.  When viewing the family calendar and seeing how many days it takes up, or having to go on vacation without my daughter because she was at band camp during the summer, or seeing her blistered feet that she will continue to march upon...I hate it.  However, when I hear her talk about the new friendships she has made, and sit in the stands on a Friday night, under the lights and see her take the field playing and moving forward, backward, and side to side whilst playing her clarinet...well, then I really love the marching band.  She is learning to use her time wisely, work hard, and be a team player.  All of those things will serve her well academically and socially.  Sure, I still have to figure out all the marching band rules.  I will have to do fundraisers.  I will drive the wheels off my car.  But maybe, just maybe, someday I will say, Marching Band, RULES!!! 

(maybe) 

It IS the Small Stuff

I am sure you have heard the phrase, "Don't sweat the small stuff", occasionally followed up with, "...and it's all small stuff".  Well, whoever made up that pearl of wisdom can STFU...right now.  Yup.  I went there.

The problem with "not sweating the small stuff" means accepting some level of chaos and disorder.  Many people live blissfully in chaos and disorder.  It is their place, their filthy, messy, loud
Shangri-La. (If you are one of those people, God bless you. Mazel. That is great. I will not be over at 6pm for dinner.  Not that it would ready at 6pm anyway)  It is not my world.  I like order.  I will not apologize for enjoying an orderly existence.  The small stuff will be sweated over, maybe to the point it is dripping and in need of a shower.  Deadlines, due dates, and lists are my reason for being.  My question is, How does the small stuff get done if everyone is "not sweating it"?  In the past when I have decided to try out this slacker, don't sweat it, way of life the only thing I have found is the small stuff gets bigger.  The two loads of laundry I decided to not stay up and wash became four loads of laundry, and family members in need of pants.  "Don't sweat the small stuff...who needs pants?".  I am here to tell you, It matters.  The small stuff matters.  People need to eat, and society is not ready for clothing optional people to be mainstreamed (and we live in Michigan...not a great place for accidental nudists).

My point is...the small stuff matters and it needs to get done.

My rant is...the hippie bastards that say, "Don't sweat the small stuff...and its all small stuff" need to be flogged with an organic cotton sock filled with their own freshly churned butter.

Yes, all the things are small, but there are so many small things that need to be done all at once to make life livable for those of us that can not see beyond, or cope with, disorder and chaos.  Laundry, dinner, lunches, picking up from practices, dropping off at friends, school stuff, volunteer stuff, cleaning, writing, lesson planning, grocery shopping...the list goes on. All of those things need to be managed.  It requires planning and order for everything to go off without a hitch.  Even with all the planning, s*** happens, and then plan B has to happen, or plan C (I really sweat when it gets to plan C, because I seldom have plan D, so I am up a creek without a paddle if plan C fails).  Yes, it's all small stuff.  Nothing life threatening.  None the less, if you are a planner and do-er who likes the machine well oiled...the small stuff is what gets you.  I get that.

If you sweat the small stuff, that is okay.

If you like to plan, that is okay.

If you hate clutter and chaos, that is okay.

If you want to violently shake those laid back fools that never concern themselves with details, and seem to rejoice in chaos, and just let life happen to them, STOP...that is assault.  You will go to jail.

Take comfort in knowing, I will be sweating the small, medium, and large stuff.  You are in fine company.

Five for Friday

It is another snowy day...so snowy my lovelies have no school.  In fact, my lovelies have not had a five day school week since before their holiday break.  It has worked out that either the school through scheduled days off,or snow days, or a sick little lovely has made each week in 2013 less than five days.  I just told my lovely son that I was going to write, and he pointed out it was snow day so I could skip it. WHAT?  I did not the rules applied to me?  Never.  Here are five random ramblings for a snowy day.  (If you are reading this in a region deprived of snow, I am sorry...and enjoy anyway)

1. Tell me this does not sound like Rick Astley.  This is a band called Swedish House Mafia, and I am telling you the man singing sounds exactly like Rick (Never Gonna Give You Up) Astley.  If you do not remember Rick Astley, you probably do not remember the late 1980's.  My daughter put the SHM tune on our shared iTunes account and the "cloud" put it on my devices.  It is catchy, but I am telling you it sounds just like Rick Astley.  Ahhh, the memories! 
2. Love v. Obligation. Since Valentine's Day (insert my eye-roll here) is coming up next week, I will once again pull out my yearly campaign against VD (is it a coincidence that the abbreviation is the same as that of venereal disease?  I think not).  First of all, I am not an angry lonely heart.  I have been with my beloved for close to 20 years.  He is a wonderful, flawed man that is well matched with this wonderful, flawed lady.  We work together.  Do I expect, or even want him on the 14th day of each February to suddenly shower me with gifts and flowers?  ABSOLUTELY NOT.  February 14th is not a significant day for us.  A day on the calendar should not make a person acknowledge their love for their significant other.  Love is a choice, not an obligation.  Perhaps I am just lucky to know that I am loved and valued everyday of the year.  No roses and flowers required.
3. Mandatory Craftiness.  Have you ever been asked to do something, and because you did not completely fail at it, people then think you are good at it?  That is me and kid's crafts.  Yes, I have lots of ideas, and a glue gun...but all of it is very forced.  I do not enjoy crafting very much.  I learned to crochet, but I would prefer to read a good book (or even a mediocre book...or the nutrition info on cereal).  However, now I have a reputation as an arts & crafts person.  I suppose there are worse things I could have a reputation for...but sometimes even those things seem less painful than planning a craft for 35 Cub Scouts.
4. Nerdiness.  It is okay to be nerdy.  My daughter is at that special age when many girls forgo being the lovely intelligent people they are so they can play dumb to get boys to help them with their homework, or just because they think being smart is not pretty.  Wrong.  Smart is pretty.  Thus far, my daughter has not abandon her brain.  She is very proud that she has the best grade in her German class.  She asks her dad questions about Algebra, because she does not want anyone in her class to know that it is sometimes it is confusing.  (And she knows to not ask me about it because...well she is smart).  Her favorite TV show is The Big Bang Theory, because she thinks scientists are funny and cool.  She is proud that she is a gifted musician.  Sometimes she says she is "nerdy".  Which is fine, but sometimes she says it as if it is a bad thing (just sometimes).  And that makes me nervous.  I am afraid the thought of pretending to be dumb crosses her mind.  I pray every night that she fully embraces her intelligence, and understands that nerdiness is awesome.  
5. Waiting for Exercise to Get Fun.  I have become exercise tolerant, because it is necessary for good health.  Just like brushing my teeth (I actually love brushing my teeth, always have).  I am still waiting for it to fun.  I hear people rave about have much they  love to workout.  I am glad they feel that way, but I am generally most pleased when the workout is over.  Yes, some workouts can be fun, but I generally do not appreciate that "fun" until it is over, or in the cool down phase.  I have also never learned to fully enjoy cleaning bathrooms, but I love the look of a freshly cleaned bathroom.  Perhaps I am waiting for something that is never going to happen?  I have been cleaning bathrooms for a long time, and it has not become a great joy.  

In MY Opinion...on opinions

As you can see from my title this is going to be a rip roaring, very topical, super important, and possibly life changing post.  If you believe any of this, please direct yourself away from this page now, before the disappointment changes the core of your being.  I can not be held responsible for your declined mental state or that fact that you may, in fact, lose IQ points reading about MY opinion...on opinions.  We have all had those conversations that upon the completion you wished there was some actual way to get the time back, and perhaps a small portion of intelligence that was sacrificed .   You know the person that knows it all, and tells it all...and is exhausting to hear.  You walk away like you have been slugged in the stomach.  Doubled over mentally from having to hear all the "great wisdom" this person possesses.  It is painful.  You wanted to contradict the person, but it would just prolong the conversation you never wanted.  Knowing if you argued an opposing opinion you may appear just as head-strong and thought inflexible as the person that is basically, lecturing you on their topic.  It is a conundrum.  We are all entitled to our opinions, but let us be really honest, some people have really messed up opinions.  My opinions are messed up too.  My worldview is pretty jacked up. (I will provide some examples of my messed up worldview at the end...judge for yourself)  I own it.  It is mine.  I will take it to my grave. I am not often very good at verbalizing my opposing viewpoint to other people's jacked up opinions because I have a sarcastic little monster that lives in me that just likes to poke jabs under the radar.  This is very poor communication, but it makes me happy to just poke.  It could be classified as passive aggressive behavior, and that is a fair assessment.  However, my sarcastic nature keeps me in the quasi-good graces of the ultra-opinionated, "never wrong" people of the world.  The people that truly, honestly believe that their opinions are the gospel truth, and thus should be preached.  Opposing viewpoints are not welcomed by the "never wrongs".  Facts to the contrary are like acid being thrown in their face.  The recoil and counter attack is not worth it for me.  I am not a "never wrong".  I am wrong a lot.  I admit it, apologize if needed, and move on.

There is some notion out there that a personal opinions can not be wrong.  Opinions can be very wrong and misguided.  They can be right to the individual, but that does not make it universally true.  These personal opinions may guide that person, and that is fine as long as that person is aware that the rest of the planet is not held to standards that their opinion sets.  And we can all agree that some people are very misguided, non?  Here are examples of some of my opinions that guide me through my life, but certainly are not universally true...

• There is a limit on how long you can blame your childhood for your adult problems.  The limit is 25 years, if you can not sort yourself out by 25 years of age, get professional help.  Yes, we all have baggage from childhood no matter how idyllic or traumatic.  Get over it.  Go to therapy if you can not put your past in your past.  Life is too short to keep reliving your first 18 years.  Make peace with it, and do better as an adult. (I may expand this one into a full blog post...it is my best opinion...in MY opinion)
• Dark chocolate is better than any other type of chocolate.
• Small dogs are just over needy cats that bark.  If you like small animals, stick with a cat.  Their aloof independence is heartwarming, and they do not pee the floor when guests walk in the front door.
• Men should never color their hair.  Silver hair on a man is sexy.
• You can handle anything for 8 weeks.
• Ride the biggest roller-coaster at least once, and never admit that sucked to those have not tried it.  Seeing their scared faces and slightly pained necks is worth the lie.
• Honesty is the best policy unless you are talking about roller-coasters, pulling a practical joke, or are trying to get out of a conversation with a "never wrong"  
• It is okay to wear gold and silver jewelry at the same time.
• Toe rings are wrong.
• It is okay to be wrong.  Sometimes it can be fun. 

So those are some of my opinions.  I told you some are pretty jacked up, and I am fine with it.  If you do not agree with me...don't be me.  See how easy that was?  

Five for Friday: Pet Peeve Edition

Hello!  We again stand on the precipice of the weekend.  So many possibilities, so much fun to be had, or perhaps you are ready for some hardcore couch time.  Whatever it is you have planned, or not planned...enjoy.  My good friend called me yesterday and started the conversation with, "You might need to blog about this...".  When some people say this to me, it bothers me, others I will take their idea and run with it.  Her particular beef was worthy of the "Pet Peeve" edition.  Her gripe rings true with me so, I thank her for the gift of an idea.  Please note, I like ideas and topics, but if I can not make my brain and fingers believe in an idea...it will not make it.  Some of my own ideas do not translate well into written word.  Perhaps I need to start doing some spoken word beat poetry for the leftover ideas. (See that?  I hideous idea that will not come to fruition)  Here are my five peeves for this Friday...

1. People who can not focus on a conversation.  This is my friend's peeve, which I agree is horribly peevish.  Her beef is particularly with people during phone conversations talking to/ reprimanding their children, while on the phone with her.  We all know the best way to get your child's attention is to  answer a phone call.  Like moths to a flame they hover around you.  They list their "needs".  They whine.  I have always been of the mindset that children need to learn manners.  Interrupting people is poor manners.  Obviously, one should not neglect a true need of a child.  Good manners would dictate that you end your phone conversation and attend to those needs.  However, engaging in a secondary conversation with your child whilst on the phone with a friend is rather annoying.  This also applies to texting with people while trying to maintain a conversation with someone who is live, in front of you.  Yes, the occasional urgent situation may arise, but honestly, not that often unless you are a doctor.  Focus on the person who you are talking with on the phone or in person.  It is the kind, friendly, and polite thing to do.  
2. Writing the way you talk.  I have been told my writing is very similar to how I speak.  This is good for writers, because it means their writing has a personal voice.  My beef is not with the writers' personal voice.  No, my beef is with people that try to write out words that only exist in spoken word.  Writing out your lazy speech patterns bothers me.  Why?  I am not absolutely sure, here are some possibilities. Maybe it bothers me because it highlights that the offending person has poor grammar and diction? Maybe it is just because it reveals ignorance?  Or, and this is probably it, it gives the sloppy speech credibility when it is written.  This occurs mostly in social media posts.  Yes, I am a big fan of social media, and I am sure if I distanced myself from my FaceBook and Twitter feeds it I would have less annoyance and frustration.  Here are the words that bother me the most: prolly, gonna, coulda, woulda, and shoulda.  The correct words are: probably, going to, could have, would have, and should have.  And "ain't" is not a word, I do not care that it made it to the dictionary.  It is shit, so do not use it! Mumble and mush your words all you want when you talk, but if you are posting it on social media use STANDARD ENGLISH.
3. Leggings as pants.  Leggings are not pants.  Leggings are footless tights made of ever so slightly bulkier material.  Leggings are adorable under a dress, or a long tunic top worn with boots.  If you are rocking the legging with a regular waist or hip length shirt, you are missing the trend.  There are all kinds of reasons that leggings require a longer top (aka a tunic) or a dress.  Primarily, something called  "camel toe".  If you are not familiar with this term, please Google it, or see the Urban Dictionary.  It is not really flattering on anyone.  Leggings are not a standard replacement for regular pants.  Please spread the word.
4. People who are going to use all the words listed in #2 to annoy me. It is my peeve when people use peeves against other people.  It is cheap.  My beloved has told me many of his pet peeves over the years.  The knowledge of these things makes it easy to know what will bother him.  If I were an evil soul, I could just drive the man nuts by constantly pushing his peeve buttons.  I do not because it is  too easy.  I would far prefer to find new and interesting ways to get under his skin.  This being said, I know that I have friends who are also readers who will use #2 against me.  Do your worst.  I have steeled my nerves already.
5. Breaking News  Television stations use the term "BREAKING NEWS" rather loosely.  Yes, it is news that just happened, but no, not all of it deserves to interrupt the broadcast.  Example, most courtroom verdicts, especially those for scandal plagued former mayors,  do not deserve to break into regular viewing.  The whole term has been rendered meaningless by overuse.  Who really believes that something actually news worthy will be occurring when programming gets interrupted?  Not me.  I am genuinely surprised when it is something that is significant.

That does it for my Pet Peeve edition.  Thanks to my friend, who shall remain nameless, for her input.  I feel your pain, and I am with you.

Five for Friday

Let me tell you about the embarrassment of riches that will become today's post.  All week I have writing down my random thoughts, beefs, and musings and now I have TEN things, but I must edit down to FIVE. Talk about First World Problems!  Yikes.  I hope I pick the right ones!

1. This is my nemesis.  Yes, this scary LEGO scene, haunts me.  My son has a LEGO problem.  We enable his problem by buying him LEGO products for his birthday and Christmas.  We also let him use his allowance money to by LEGOs.  He is a brickmaster, and  his creations are really cool and creative.  He made me a LEGO mobile phone holder, which has cut down on my search time for my phone (Thanks kid).  However, the problem is we have a ton of little bricks and mini figures all over the house.  I can  not tell you how many times I have stepped on those tiny bricks with bare feet...OUCH.  I have bled from LEGO related trauma. This summer my son cut his hand with scissors when opening a box of LEGOs he received as a birthday gift.  The cut required 3 stitches, yes, the laceration was that deep.  Even after this injury, his passion for the bricks is still in full force.  I have a love /hate relationship with this toy.  It has given so much joy, and so much pain.  I have a feeling that I need to come to terms with LEGOs, find some peace with these hard little bricks. I will work on it.
2. Off the diet soda.  Yes, I have given up my secondary source of caffeine.  Cold turkey.  Just decided I am not drinking soda anymore.  I am prone to capricious acts of foolishness.  It is in my DNA.  Pretty much everyday at 1 pm I have a diet soda.  Twelve days ago I decided to drink water instead, because it is healthy, hydrating, and contains no caffeine.  Here is how it is going...the first two days I thought my head was going split open.  The third day, I took a nap.  The fourth day, it became a vendetta.  I was refusing to return to my carbonated ways.  Once the vendetta stage starts I am usually pretty solid.  I have noticed that I also have less of an appetite in the afternoon.  That is a good thing. I will likely never give up coffee aka my primary source of caffeine (also the only reason I will get out bed).  Pretty sure the notion will never even cross my mind.
3. Insomnia sucks.  I have long suffered from sleeplessness.  Also part of my DNA, I have family members that are also crappy sleepers. It pretty much blows.  I have noticed that I have been sleeping better since I gave up the afternoon diet soda.  Sadly, not a 100% solution.  The upside of insomnia is late night infomercials.  I am serious, there are some crazy products.  Even more, the people that are shilling these products are hilarious.  I do miss Billy Mays, he was the king of the infomercial   His loud and over the top style is often imitated, but can never be duplicated.  I know that watching screens is discouraged when you are an insomniac, but it is what we do.  Sometimes I read, but mostly I am trying to numb and slow down my brain so I can sleep, and the infomercial is perfect for slowing down the brain.  If you also suffer insomnia, I feel your pain.  I often wish there was some sort of insomniac "bat signal" people could put in the sky, so fellow sleep challenged could see it and then we could all meet up, chat, and pass the time until the rest of the world wakes up.  It makes no sense to call, or text a fellow sufferer, as they may actually having a great night's sleep.  It is a tricky situation.
4. Running errands after working out. Practical? Or cruelty to those who must see, and perhaps smell you? Discuss.  I have been opting to run a few errands after my workouts this week.  Mostly because I was driving past places I needed to go on my drive home.  It has been difficult.  I not a huge fan of going out in public in yoga pants, but I really was exercising, so it is legit.  I do not feel great about it.  It is causing inner turmoil...maybe that is why I do not sleep so well???
5. Downton Abbey.  If you are not watching Downton Abbey on PBS, you are missing a great drama.  The cast is beyond amazing, Dame Maggie Smith (aka Professor McGonagall, of Harry Potter fame), is the Dowager Countess.  It is worth watching just to hear Dame Maggie's one liners.  Downton Abbey is the story of an aristocratic family in the early 20th century.  It makes you realize how much times have changed in just a short 90-100 years.  The roles of women, how the classes interact, it is all a beautiful history lesson laid out for us on a lovely English country estate.  Give it a try.  The first season is on the streaming Netflix.  If you are already a fan, than you can understand why Sunday at 9 pm is pretty much my favorite television viewing time of the week.  

Have a great weekend.  I will keep adding to my list of crazy musings, and I will be back with you next week.   

Five for Friday

It is Friday.  Which is not just an awesome movie (Ice Cube at his finest).  Thus I am hitting five random musings.  Granted yesterday's post was pretty random.  I was in pain.  Actually, in pain or not that is pretty much how my brain works...so special.  Letting my five fly in 3...2...

1. Boy Bands.  Love them or hate them, they are a part of our musical culture.  This morning I was diving and a local station was playing bands from "back in the day".  (Yes, I said, "back in the day".  I will flog myself later)  New Edition, Mr. Telephone Man, turned up to 11 (mega props if you can tell me the film I am referencing when I say "turned up to 11"), is a great way to start the day.  Then between songs the radio personalities were talking about some of the "great" boy bands; Bel Biv Devoe, New Kids on the Block, Backstreet Boys, and of course N'Sync.  I was on a ride in the way back machine of questionable music.  I have soft spot for the Boy Band.  Yes, the music is over engineered, as is the back-story of band.  Nothing is organic about Boy Band music..but it is catchy.  Note to self: quit making fun of my daughter for her love of One Direction, they are not the next Beatles, but they will be fondly recalled in 20 to 25 years.
2. Bronzer in winter.  What can turn this girl's day from blah to banging?  Bronzer.  Yes, a slight bit of color and slight sparkle on the cheeks and nose is an attitude adjustment for me.  It is literally a cosmetic change that can make all the difference.  I can not change the temperature, or turn on the sun, but I can brush some healthy glow across my pasty white skin and make myself feel warm and glowing.  Long live the cosmetic counter!
3. Rain in January.  Unacceptable.  Snow is white, fluffy, clean, and bright.  When it rains in January in my part of the world it just reveals that the trees have no leaves, and the dormant sickly green of the grass.  Not to mention the muddy foot prints that get tracked in be Ninja.  It turns out dogs do not know the purpose of doormats.  Kid's can not play in the rain.  They do not want to build rain-men.  No, kids want snow.  I want snow.  If anyone has any connections that can get a respectable amount of snow to my part of the world, I would be grateful and maybe even write a post entirely about how awesome you are.  Hop to it.  Make it SNOW, baby.
4. U-turns.  Still happening.  Still making me nuts.  This might be at the top of my driving pet peeve list.  Yes, I have categorized my pet peeves because the one master list was getting a bit unwieldy.  Please...yes, I said PLEASE...stop making u-turns.  Find a business parking lot, a side street, or even someone's driveway to turn around in, and then go along your happy way.  OR, just quit being so darn confused or distracted when you drive and do it properly the in the first place.  (Stepping off the soap box...hopefully not falling)   
5. Book Recommendation.  The Day the World Came to Town : 9/11 in Gander, Newfoundland, by Jim DeFede. I know you are thinking, "That sounds like a heavy topic, and winter is already depressing".  Well, yes, clearly 9/11 is not, and never will be a topic of great joy.  However, this is the story (or stories) of people who were on airplanes to the United States when the attacks occurred, and the airspace above the United States was closed.  This is what some of those travelers did when the worst happened.  It is a beautiful story of community and making the best of the worst.  Enough said.  Give it a try.  I have it on my kindle app. if I knew how to share or loan it, I would. (Still tech challenged, and not afraid to admit it)

Happy Weekend!
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Okay Already

I enjoyed my summer break.  I enjoyed it right through the second week of school being back in session.  However, there are people out there pushing me to blog.  Thank you, I am flattered.  I am a bit of a people pleaser,  so I will get back to it.  There are a stack of post-it notes with observations, musings, and utter foolishness for me to toss up for your consideration.

Last night I spent the evening at my daughter's middle school, holy loads of writing material.  Biggest observation, not all parents get their outfits approved by their child...clearly.  Or, some people do not have a full length mirror (FYI- such an item can be purchased for under $20).  I would have b**** slapped my mother if she would have dressed like me as youth.  Ladies, you do not have to wear "mom jeans", but you really, really, really, REALLY should not wear skinny jeans.  Accenting the thinness of your ankles really only draws attention to the fact that your hips have birthed children.  No shame in rocking the curves, just rock them in a flattering way.  The graphic tee-shirt is also for the weekend at home, the gym, and that is about it.  (That is my sermon of the day)

So that is a glimpse into the dangerous mind that has more than plenty to say about sooooo many things.  I may even have something nice to say...maybe.

Cheers to the weekend!

Hello my neglected readers.  Now you have a glimpse of how the family goldfish feels.  I hope you were feeding yourselves and reading other things.  I would hate to think anyone became illiterate whilst I was on my hiatus.  I also hate to think reading what I write makes you highly literate, or even remotely well read. That would be extreme hubris on my part, and I will have none of it.  On this day I will catch you up on what I have been doing, and observing while I was not writing here.

1. Relay for Life.  This will be my second year participating in my local Relay for Life, which benefits the American Cancer Society.  ACS provides education, awareness, and support for people with all types of cancer.  It is an event that I do with some of my friends from church.  We are decorating our tent around the theme Alice In Wonderland .  I have been dreaming the plan, and now need to revise it a bit, since the goal is to raise money for cancer, not to go broke decorating a tent.  Please feel free to support the cause by clicking on the following link and making a donation.  Thank you. http://relay.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY12National?px=20597074&pg=personal&fr_id=38367
2. Anacondas.  My sweetman (the 2nd grader) just completed a Talking Zoo project at his school.  He researched the Anaconda, made a great poster, wrote a paper, and then dressed up as an Anaconda and gave a brief speech about his animal for parents and other kids at his school.  As you may have guessed, a seven year old can not make a costume...so his sewing challenged mother made the costume for him.  I will post the pictures on a later post, since I do not have the pictures uploaded to this computer.  It turned out well.  It was a long process (16 feet long to be exact).  No tears were shed, but some red wine consumed in the process.  (by me, not my son).  If you need a 16 foot stuffed Anaconda, please let me know.  
3. Yards of Yard.  We have a large lot for people living in the suburbs.  Often guests at our home comment on the large backyard.  I hear people talk about how they love to garden and do yard work.  Those people should have bought our house.  My beloved hates yard work.  I am allergic to grass, yet still mow the lawn.  I see the yard as a bit of torture.  None the less, I have been doing the clean up of the property.  It is wonderful to see when it is complete, but the process is time consuming and awful.  My parents love to garden and care for their lawn.  Sadly, the gardening gene did not get passed on to me.  So I have been very grouchy about the lawn care.  Good news, my son said he would like to mow lawn.  So in a couple years I may have partner on grounds keeping detail.
4. Show Some Pride America.  Here is my meany observation of the week.  People have become too casual about how they dress in public.  Monday I was at the grocery store and I saw numerous people dressed in baggy sweats and pajama pants out in public.  It was early afternoon and these people were grocery shopping in what appears to be the same clothes they slept in the night before.  I am not asking everyone to be a style star.  I just want people to stop wearing pajamas and sloppy sweat pants out in public.  People have to see you, and you look really hideous.  Yes, the grocery store is a dull, but necessary place.  We all have to go the grocery.  Let us be civil to others by trying a little bit.  Quit wearing sleepwear outside your home.  Make it a matter of personal pride to get dressed EVERYDAY. No matter what.  Please. 

That, in a nutshell, covers what my April has been like.  I will now go put on proper day clothing, and start my campaign to keep the jammies at home.

Happy Weekend!

Wicked Wednesday

It is time again to be wicked.  I can not help myself.  Actually, I could help myself if the outside world did not continually act foolishly when I am around.  This week my wickedness is based on a very loud exchange in the travel sized toiletries section at my local Bed, Bath, & Beyond.  Please note, I was an innocent bystander.  I was on a mission to get tiny toothpaste, shampoo, and hair gel for my beloved who is preparing for a trip.  The TSA and the tiny toiletry making companies are in cahoots.  Oh, and the quart sized zipper bag making companies are in on it too.  Those entities have collaborated to make travel extremely annoying.  The couple and their college aged daughter that were getting loud in travel sized section seem to be highly agitated and stressed  by their impending travel.  The wife was yelling at someone on the phone, whilst directing her husband and daughter on which tiny toiletries to select for their upcoming trip.  I have never seen someone get so worked up about hygiene products.  Her poor  husband and daughter were grabbing bottles, bringing them to phone yelling woman, only to have her chastise them on their selections.  Then they scurried back to the wall of tiny toiletries to try again to satisfy the angry phone talking woman.  The phone lady kept saying, "3oz or less!!!!".  She had clearly been driven wild by the TSA /tiny toiletry/ zipper bag conspiracy.  Now the wicked part, sure the yelling lady was pretty wicked, but that was her wickedness.  MY WICKEDNESS was staying in that section studying the ingredients labels on products I had no intent on purchasing. Yes, I was lingering to see how it all would work out.  Then I got tired of the yelling, and the calamity.  I was hoping to overhear where they were going, or something that would help make sense of the crazy behavior.  I learned nothing other than the phone lady is bossy and loud, and her husband and daughter live in fear of her.  Okay, I assume they fear her, because I was starting to fear her and I do not even know her.

The lesson to take away from all of this is, behave yourself in public.  You never know who is pretending to be interested in deodorant ingredients so they can hear your family conflicts.  It could be a wicked blogger and you could become her Wednesday fodder.

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day. I have already stated that I am not a fan of this holiday. I am not a fan of a lot of holidays for a variety of oddball reasons. However, I feel like my reasons for not jumping on the Valentine wagon are better than most. Okay, maybe I am just saying that because the day is here and it is in the front of my mind. Well, not really in the front of my mind because, but I still need to get my kids some trinkets and treasures and a card (I am not heartless and inconsiderate). Anyway, these are my primary gripes against Valentine's Day.

• It is non- inclusive. Sure when you are in elementary school everyone gets treats, cards, and the class has a fun afternoon party. I was all about a well planned class party as a child, and even as a educator. Valentine's up until fourth grade is very inclusive and focused on being friends. After fourth grade it becomes about " being in love". Do not get me started on how inappropriate grade school and even middle school age pairings are. It is a whole other post, perhaps even a book. This holiday includes people who are in relationships, and excludes singles. That is just mean. I say this as a person that has been "paired" for more years than I have not, and I still think its garbage. Single people should not be made to feel bad or stage anti-Valentine parties and dinners with fellow singletons. The only "exclusive" days that I have any respect for are wedding anniversaries and birthdays. So if you got hitched on Valentine's Day or if you were born on February 14th, then by all means celebrate the heck out it.
• It is stressful. If you are in a relationship there is intense pressure to plan an event, and /or give a gift that shows you love and care for your significant other. I have heard people for years complain about what to get their partner, or the day after, people read into the gift they received as too insignificant, or too significant for their relationship phase. Talk about a "no win" situation. Frankly, I do not want my beloved to feel pressure from the calendar to do something nice for me. He is a great guy. I know he loves me. He knows I love him. We agree that this is a silly holiday, so we pretty much ignore it. (Except for stuff for the kids...because they are cute and not all jaded yet. In time they will develop properly. Their mother will see to that.)
• It is a racket for the card, candy, and flower industry. Yes, this is just a reason for flower shops to raise prices on red roses. I get the whole supply and demand thing. I took Economics 101 in college. I also have a very warped idea that handing someone cut flowers that then wither and die as some symbol of love and devotion is messed up. I have always disliked cut flowers for this reason. Conversely, cut flowers at funerals are fine, but people tend to send live plants for actual deaths...that is also messed up. I know the flower shops and websites are raking it in, good for them. Making money on people's contrived view of what it means to be in a relationship and a date on the calendar is manipulative. You are evil geniuses along with greeting card companies and chocolate makers. I do love to buy half-price chocolate on the 15th (glass half full moment). Half price heart shaped chocolates are far more delicious than full price heart shaped chocolate.

That is my full indictment of Valentine's Day. I know I am in the minority. I know on the 15th people will ask me what my spouse gave me for Valentine's Day. I hope they are prepared for some really inappropriate answers. I am not above answering "none of your business" questions with answers that may make them wish they had never asked in the first place. In fact, that may be the only thing I like about Valentine's Day. Ask me...I dare you.