I am attempting something never done before. I writing while laying on my couch. I am also planning on publishing the post. So this could be interesting. Normally if I am laying down to write it is in my journal or a notebook. It is typically on my stomach and my left arm gets all cramped up from the odd angle I lean on it. Anyway, today I took a rather glorious, and embarrassing digger down the steps and my lower back feels like it may recover, but it is uninterested in sitting in an office chair at the computer...which is upstairs. Yes, the same stairs that I took the express trip on an hour ago. My hands were full, my feet are large, the stairs are narrow. It was a perfect storm. Now I am itching to write so I am grateful to my iPad that allows me to get on my blogger account. The functions are not as easy as on the computer, not to mention laying on your back is not the most natural position to type. I have pillows stacked upon me to get the screen at the right angle. It is comical. When one is prone to write, sometimes one must write while prone.
Today when I was walking with my dog, Ninja, I noticed that the squirrels were incredibly active. Ninja fancies squirrels so it is easy to notice those furry little scamps. Ninja believes in her sincere little doggy heart that it is her life's goal and purpose to catch, and kill or maim all squirrels that cross her path. Unfortunately for Ninja, I am a bit squeamish when it comes to blood and guts, so my life's goal and purpose (at least when I am walking her) to hold her back from all small woodland creatures. Thus most of walks, on very squirrelly days, end up with both of us frustrated with each other. I am annoyed that I have had to tug the leash and say, "Ninja, leave it alone" a thousand times. She is frustrated to have been on the receiving end of the tugging and crabbing...which I am sure all she hears is, "Ninja! blah ba wah blah". We came back from the walk today and retreated to our separate corners. Well, she went to take a nap, and she is a champion at sleeping. This dog could sleep anywhere, anytime, and fall asleep in seconds. It is amazing. That was unnessisary information, but you will forgive me, as I am more prone to ramble when I am writing prone. So I went to sort out some rubbish upstairs and then took my great fall, that landed me on the sofa. Now a rambling post about squirrels...yikes. I have not even looked to see if we have any pain meds in the house. However, as I look at my rather stream of conscience type of writing I am doing, it seems like I am medicated. I think it is just because laying down the thoughts come are more random. It is as if my body posture is welcoming more trivial things. Or maybe I just wanted to write something, and they can not all be well crafted, perfectly thought out musings. Today, just musings. Very randomly laid out for you.
Be careful on the stairs or do not let the urge to clean overtake you in the first place. I wish I would have gotten that memo from the future earlier...but isn't that just the way it goes?
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Damn Near Survivalists...yeah whatever
This past weekend a bold move was made in my household. Something that borders on sacrilegious in some circles. Something so heinous we waited for our teenage daughter to be out of town for the weekend before we made our move.
We disconnected the cable. Yup, if you come to our house you will be watching TV through the antennae. High Def air signal. Let me tell you, it is not as horrible as it sounds. We get a lot of stations, the major networks, PBS, and some other riff raff stations. Its going to be fine. I think of it as being a survivalist right now, living off the entertainment that floats in the air around us. Our daughter was appalled when she arrived home to a place void of any cable boxes. She asked several times if we were joking. She asked if we just hid the cable boxes as a joke. (As if we would move furniture and go to such trouble for a joke. C'mon lazy apple, you came from these lazy trees). She was genuinely shocked, which surprised me because we have talked of disconnecting cable for close to a year now. That is how we roll, lots of discussion, so much chatter you become certain nothing will ever really happen, then BAM a decision is made and swift action is taken. It is actually rather exciting when my beloved and I decide to take action. Cue the A-Team theme music...a plan is coming together!
The decision to cancel cable was based on several factors, here are what I would say are the top five. If you corner my beloved he will give you five absolutely different reasons. This probably explains why swift action must be preceded by several months of debate.
We disconnected the cable. Yup, if you come to our house you will be watching TV through the antennae. High Def air signal. Let me tell you, it is not as horrible as it sounds. We get a lot of stations, the major networks, PBS, and some other riff raff stations. Its going to be fine. I think of it as being a survivalist right now, living off the entertainment that floats in the air around us. Our daughter was appalled when she arrived home to a place void of any cable boxes. She asked several times if we were joking. She asked if we just hid the cable boxes as a joke. (As if we would move furniture and go to such trouble for a joke. C'mon lazy apple, you came from these lazy trees). She was genuinely shocked, which surprised me because we have talked of disconnecting cable for close to a year now. That is how we roll, lots of discussion, so much chatter you become certain nothing will ever really happen, then BAM a decision is made and swift action is taken. It is actually rather exciting when my beloved and I decide to take action. Cue the A-Team theme music...a plan is coming together!
The decision to cancel cable was based on several factors, here are what I would say are the top five. If you corner my beloved he will give you five absolutely different reasons. This probably explains why swift action must be preceded by several months of debate.
- Eldest child's poor TV choices. My daughter, I love her, she is smart, lovely, and talented, but she has horrible taste in TV shows. She loves really bad reality TV. Dance Moms is a favorite. She has been known to watch Toddlers in Tiaras marathons (yuck). In fact almost anything shown on TLC can become her "favorite". Worse than just watching these shows, she also would DVR the shows. The amount of hours of stupidity recorded on the DVR was ridiculous. To save her beautiful mind the cable had to go away.
- My own poor TV choices. I fully understand where my daughter gets her penchant for crappy TV. I am a recovering Bravo TV junkie. I will watch any season and any location of The Real Housewives franchise. I love those rich bitches. The arguments. The augmentations. The botox. The drama. It is like crack. Like a true addict, I would hide my passion and watching of these shows. NEVER would I DVR an episode. Nope, I found out that all the episodes were carefully saved for me in the OnDemand feature of our former cable carrier. I loved that stuff. I am going to miss it. I am getting the shakes just thinking about it. However, I am on the wagon. I will miss you Andy Cohen and all the Bravolebrities. I will miss you, deeply miss you. (Note to local friends, DO NOT let me in your homes to covet your Bravo. Give me some red wine and listen to to whine, but do not let me go back to that place...it is too much)
- The 200 channels of background noise. We found that we really did not actively watch too many shows. Often the TV is on and each of us has some other device going. My husband is on his computer or smartphone. I am on my iPad. The kids both have iPod touch devices. So the TV was just background noise. We have a few shows that we really watch and they are all on network TV. Spending money for background noise seems silly. (Note: My beloved and I would probably agree this is top shared reason)
- Netflix and other streaming services. Cable seems silly when you can get streaming feeds of programs you actually want to watch through gaming systems. We just realized we can watch YouTube clips on the big screen of the TV through the PlayStation 3. Which is awesome since one of our favorite things is to refer each other to crazy stuff we have seen on YouTube. It becomes a shared activity with all of us contributing to the entertainment. It is a modern day variety show where we are the producers and directors and captive audience.
- Money. I love it when people say, "It is not about the money", that is my clear indicator that is indeed, without a doubt, about the money. Who does not like having extra money every month? Fools, that is who. Cable was a money drain, like a dripping faucet, or a drafty window. It is not a life changing amount of money being saved, but it is a family night out per month amount.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Resolutions are for Chumps
The title says it all, resolutions are for chumps. It has taken me many years to realize this particular fact. I can be a little slow to catch on sometimes, but never with witty comeback. I do plan on making some changes in 2013, tweaking my lifestyle, cleaning up, throwing out, eating less, moving more...all the good stuff. However, I refuse to call any of it a "resolution" because as soon as I do it will become a point of rebellion. Yes, I am even a petulant child with myself (I am sure this fact is of great comfort and humor to my parents). No one likes to hear "no" or "you can not" or "you should not" or "you must" and the worst "it is good for you". All of these things cause a rebellion in my soul. I do not need my soul to rebel. Along with the rebellion in the soul, is the fact that falling off the resolution wagon makes people stop making progress. I say so what if you mess up, start over again. In the past I have set dates for areas to be cleaned, pounds to be lost, and other goals, and when the goal was not achieved said, "Suck it. I am done", and then was completely annoyed and mad at myself. Thus leaving a half cleaned out closet, and frustration. No more big plan. No more dates. I am just doing. I fully accept that I am going to make poor choices, slack off, and be human. I am cool with that, and I will keep plugging away and making progress.
Perhaps mostly I am learning about being forgiving of myself. Actually allowing myself to be human. It is amazing how cruel we can be to ourselves. How harshly we judge ourselves. It sets us back when we beat ourselves up constantly over little things. If I was as cruel to others as I have been to myself I would not have a friend in the whole world, or a husband, or custody of my children. I admit I have been a beast to myself. My inner voice (and we all have one, do not call me crazy) has at times been a soul crusher. Yes, I have crushed my own soul far more than any other person ever has, or ever could. That is a rather sickening realization. However, I do not think I am unique in this self inflicted agony. We are brutal to ourselves, too brutal. Self-kindness is a relatively new concept for me, perhaps something that has evolved over the past five or six years. And I am still rather imperfect at the whole self-kindness thing too, but I am not giving up on being nice to me. My inner voice is far more kind than it ever was in my 20's, and let us not even talk about what a bitch my teen inner voice was (UGH!). Resolutions just give my inner voice food for negativity. Accomplishing things in real time, whether it is a blog post, or laundry, or a good book, or a long walk, or playing a game with my kids, is far more important, fulfilling, meaningful, and soul building than tasks checked off a time tabled chart. Sure, goals are necessary at times, but not when they become internal weapons of soul destruction when the standards are not met. Never give up on being nice to yourself...and if resolutions make you feel like a failure, remember, resolutions are for chumps, and you are no chump.
And, sincere apologies for not bringing the lighthearted funny today, sometimes a girl needs to be serious. It is okay to have feelings and feel those feelings...no matter what your therapist says. And bonus, you learned I am human and not just a snark machine.
Perhaps mostly I am learning about being forgiving of myself. Actually allowing myself to be human. It is amazing how cruel we can be to ourselves. How harshly we judge ourselves. It sets us back when we beat ourselves up constantly over little things. If I was as cruel to others as I have been to myself I would not have a friend in the whole world, or a husband, or custody of my children. I admit I have been a beast to myself. My inner voice (and we all have one, do not call me crazy) has at times been a soul crusher. Yes, I have crushed my own soul far more than any other person ever has, or ever could. That is a rather sickening realization. However, I do not think I am unique in this self inflicted agony. We are brutal to ourselves, too brutal. Self-kindness is a relatively new concept for me, perhaps something that has evolved over the past five or six years. And I am still rather imperfect at the whole self-kindness thing too, but I am not giving up on being nice to me. My inner voice is far more kind than it ever was in my 20's, and let us not even talk about what a bitch my teen inner voice was (UGH!). Resolutions just give my inner voice food for negativity. Accomplishing things in real time, whether it is a blog post, or laundry, or a good book, or a long walk, or playing a game with my kids, is far more important, fulfilling, meaningful, and soul building than tasks checked off a time tabled chart. Sure, goals are necessary at times, but not when they become internal weapons of soul destruction when the standards are not met. Never give up on being nice to yourself...and if resolutions make you feel like a failure, remember, resolutions are for chumps, and you are no chump.
And, sincere apologies for not bringing the lighthearted funny today, sometimes a girl needs to be serious. It is okay to have feelings and feel those feelings...no matter what your therapist says. And bonus, you learned I am human and not just a snark machine.
Friday, January 4, 2013
Watch This!
On December 21st, 2012 the most amazing thing was discovered at my house. Let me give you some back story before I get to my point. It is the build up that is where the story is...or so I tell myself. December 21 was a Friday, it was suppose to be the end of the world, but it turns out the Mayans just ran out of circular tablets to chisel (my interpretation based on no fact what-so-ever) Anyway, this day was a busy one. My son's Cub Scout Pack was having a holiday potluck dinner and I am not just a den leader, but some sort of party planner for the Pack. My exceptional organization skills, coupled with owning a clipboard have made me seem like a reliable person for such events. Most of my day was spent making sure my vehicle was loaded with the need table coverings, beverages, the awards for my den...a lot of shit, okay, lots and lots of shit in my vehicle, and a dish to pass. You may imagine my temperament was less than lovely on this day ( the day the world did not end). This event coupled with the fact that I had a family party at my house the following Sunday, and of course Christmas the following Tuesday. It was hot mess time. I had lists, my lists had lists, my clipboard was full, my wits were at their very end. The Pack potluck ended up going fine, well it was over and that was all that mattered to me at the time. A giant check could be made on this event and this day. I did what most well adjusted people do after making it through a hectic event, I put my kids to bed and opened a beer. This is where the best thing happened. My December 21st miracle. The life changer. I turned on the television, flipped through the guide of 200 channels that generally disappoint me. On this day my highlight on the guide stopped at A&E on a show called Duck Dynasty. Bonus, it was on a marathon. (insert a "YES" with a fist pump)
I had seen posts on my social media about Duck Dynasty. Some from people I actually respect. I had never happened across it prior to this night. The blessing of the Duck Dynasty marathon was exactly what I needed at this moment. (And beer was the correct call on beverage) Here is a brief synopsis of the show...it is a reality show based on the Robertson family of Louisiana. The family was poor, but made its fortune through duck calls made by Phil, the patriarch of the family. Phil's middle son, Willie, went to business school and took the mom & pop business to a multi-million dollar business called Duck Commander and they also make Deer Commander calls. The back story is great, but the best it just the way the family interacts. It is a reality show with real feeling. The Robertson family embraces their humble roots. They seem to take the term red-neck as badge of honor, which is awesome. It is just a show you just have to see. It is funny, heartwarming, and you really just want to go hang out with these people. My favorites are Jase and Uncle Si (he is a Vietnam veteran who has great stories he claims are 95% true). I feel sad that I am so late to the DD party. So if any of you were under the same rock I was...crawl out, now go check out the most fabulous reality show EVER.
I had seen posts on my social media about Duck Dynasty. Some from people I actually respect. I had never happened across it prior to this night. The blessing of the Duck Dynasty marathon was exactly what I needed at this moment. (And beer was the correct call on beverage) Here is a brief synopsis of the show...it is a reality show based on the Robertson family of Louisiana. The family was poor, but made its fortune through duck calls made by Phil, the patriarch of the family. Phil's middle son, Willie, went to business school and took the mom & pop business to a multi-million dollar business called Duck Commander and they also make Deer Commander calls. The back story is great, but the best it just the way the family interacts. It is a reality show with real feeling. The Robertson family embraces their humble roots. They seem to take the term red-neck as badge of honor, which is awesome. It is just a show you just have to see. It is funny, heartwarming, and you really just want to go hang out with these people. My favorites are Jase and Uncle Si (he is a Vietnam veteran who has great stories he claims are 95% true). I feel sad that I am so late to the DD party. So if any of you were under the same rock I was...crawl out, now go check out the most fabulous reality show EVER.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Forty is the New_____. WTF?
Happy New Year. As the ball dropped in Times Square, and the insipid King of all Media, Ryan Seacrest counted down to 2013, he was also counting me out of my thirties. What an ass. Actually, I really do not care that I am now a 40 year old person. I feel good. I look rather okay-ish.
Ryan Seacrest is still an ass for a variety of reasons, the Kardashian reality franchise is his biggest jerk move. Thanks for making us all dumber for hearing that famewhoring family's name. I digress...that will not get better with age (bank on that). A large majority of my friends have recently made the transition to 40...they are doing fine. My beloved is 41, and as dashing as ever. So forty is fine and dandy thus far. However , it would not be me unless I could find something to b**** about. Sure, I gave Ryan Seacrest as bit of blast, but he can go cry in his money if this little blogger hurt his feelings.
Here is my gripe...
_____________is the new ________________. It drives me nuts when people pull that crap. 40 is not the new 20. Red is not the new Black. Lindsay Lohan is not the new Elizabeth Taylor. All of those statements are false and unadulterated rubbish. I am not saying I have not used the foolish statements, but I am rather sarcastic, and use them as fodder. However, there are people tossing these platitudes around like a football at tailgate party. People that do not realize this is making them look like a condescending ass, or even worse, just a plain ass. I appreciate the spirit in which people use these statements, but it is much like saying, "Giving 110%"...it can not be done and it creates a ridiculously untrue statement.
40 is 40. Red is red. Black is black. Lindsay Lohan is a train wreck. Elizabeth Taylor was a train wreck with talent. It is what it is. Hate that one too, but at least it is true.
Happy 2013. Wishing you love, peace, good health, and a dose of snarkiness.
Ryan Seacrest is still an ass for a variety of reasons, the Kardashian reality franchise is his biggest jerk move. Thanks for making us all dumber for hearing that famewhoring family's name. I digress...that will not get better with age (bank on that). A large majority of my friends have recently made the transition to 40...they are doing fine. My beloved is 41, and as dashing as ever. So forty is fine and dandy thus far. However , it would not be me unless I could find something to b**** about. Sure, I gave Ryan Seacrest as bit of blast, but he can go cry in his money if this little blogger hurt his feelings.
Here is my gripe...
_____________is the new ________________. It drives me nuts when people pull that crap. 40 is not the new 20. Red is not the new Black. Lindsay Lohan is not the new Elizabeth Taylor. All of those statements are false and unadulterated rubbish. I am not saying I have not used the foolish statements, but I am rather sarcastic, and use them as fodder. However, there are people tossing these platitudes around like a football at tailgate party. People that do not realize this is making them look like a condescending ass, or even worse, just a plain ass. I appreciate the spirit in which people use these statements, but it is much like saying, "Giving 110%"...it can not be done and it creates a ridiculously untrue statement.
40 is 40. Red is red. Black is black. Lindsay Lohan is a train wreck. Elizabeth Taylor was a train wreck with talent. It is what it is. Hate that one too, but at least it is true.
Happy 2013. Wishing you love, peace, good health, and a dose of snarkiness.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
The Waiting Game
Who likes to wait? In an informal poll of my friends and acquaintances I found exactly zero people like to wait. No one likes to wait at the doctor's or dentist's office, the post office, the line at the grocery, or even in their own home for a repair or service call. No one likes waiting. It stinks. Today I am doing the "house arrest" wait. Some may say waiting at home should not be that bad, its your house, you have your stuff. However, when a service provider gives you a 4 hour window to be at your house, waiting for their arrival...well suddenly "home, sweet home" becomes a holding cell. Perhaps because I have sat through some of the "wait windows" only to have someone from the scheduling department call and apologize that it will be a few more hours, or even worse the "reschedule call". OH NO, NOT THAT!!!! So I wait with some degree of trepidation, expecting the worst so I will pleasantly surprised when I only have to wait three hours of the four hour window. If a service provider shows up in the first hour of the window it is almost like Christmas coming early. I dare say I may seem over eager and giddy and I am pretty sure the poor, punctual soul sent to my home thinks I am slightly demented. I start to consider making them coffee, or offering a soda, and a light snack. I have done this before and the person always politely declines, and always has a puzzled look upon their face. I am never sure if it is because no one else ever offers refreshments, or because it is against company policy to accept refreshments, or they are now 100% certain that I am demented. I am just floored by the person being punctual.
As a rule I run early for most things. It is just how I am wired. I am early for doctor's appointments when I know that my doctor runs 15 minutes behind on a very good day. It is who I am, it will not likely change. I try to not hold my friends to my same punctual standards because it may be a slightly OCD thing. I call if I suspect I may be as little as 5 minutes delayed by traffic or weather. Yes, it is nutty. In my world it is okay to have a few (less than five..to be exact) OCD tendencies. No, I do not have a degree in psychology, it is just my rule of thumb. I would be horrible in a job where I was the service provide that needed to show up within a 4 hour window. I would feel as if I failed if I was not 10 minutes prior to the wait window. The apologies would be flowing like a river. I would probably carry goody bags to offer as some apology gift for not being early. And once again, people would find me utterly demented. I would never be good at making people play The Waiting Game.
As a rule I run early for most things. It is just how I am wired. I am early for doctor's appointments when I know that my doctor runs 15 minutes behind on a very good day. It is who I am, it will not likely change. I try to not hold my friends to my same punctual standards because it may be a slightly OCD thing. I call if I suspect I may be as little as 5 minutes delayed by traffic or weather. Yes, it is nutty. In my world it is okay to have a few (less than five..to be exact) OCD tendencies. No, I do not have a degree in psychology, it is just my rule of thumb. I would be horrible in a job where I was the service provide that needed to show up within a 4 hour window. I would feel as if I failed if I was not 10 minutes prior to the wait window. The apologies would be flowing like a river. I would probably carry goody bags to offer as some apology gift for not being early. And once again, people would find me utterly demented. I would never be good at making people play The Waiting Game.
Friday, September 14, 2012
Okay Already
I enjoyed my summer break. I enjoyed it right through the second week of school being back in session. However, there are people out there pushing me to blog. Thank you, I am flattered. I am a bit of a people pleaser, so I will get back to it. There are a stack of post-it notes with observations, musings, and utter foolishness for me to toss up for your consideration.
Last night I spent the evening at my daughter's middle school, holy loads of writing material. Biggest observation, not all parents get their outfits approved by their child...clearly. Or, some people do not have a full length mirror (FYI- such an item can be purchased for under $20). I would have b**** slapped my mother if she would have dressed like me as youth. Ladies, you do not have to wear "mom jeans", but you really, really, really, REALLY should not wear skinny jeans. Accenting the thinness of your ankles really only draws attention to the fact that your hips have birthed children. No shame in rocking the curves, just rock them in a flattering way. The graphic tee-shirt is also for the weekend at home, the gym, and that is about it. (That is my sermon of the day)
So that is a glimpse into the dangerous mind that has more than plenty to say about sooooo many things. I may even have something nice to say...maybe.
Cheers to the weekend!
Last night I spent the evening at my daughter's middle school, holy loads of writing material. Biggest observation, not all parents get their outfits approved by their child...clearly. Or, some people do not have a full length mirror (FYI- such an item can be purchased for under $20). I would have b**** slapped my mother if she would have dressed like me as youth. Ladies, you do not have to wear "mom jeans", but you really, really, really, REALLY should not wear skinny jeans. Accenting the thinness of your ankles really only draws attention to the fact that your hips have birthed children. No shame in rocking the curves, just rock them in a flattering way. The graphic tee-shirt is also for the weekend at home, the gym, and that is about it. (That is my sermon of the day)
So that is a glimpse into the dangerous mind that has more than plenty to say about sooooo many things. I may even have something nice to say...maybe.
Cheers to the weekend!
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