Being Still...

I am not suppose to be writing this right now. I am suppose to be medating or being still or as I like to say "zoning out". The problem is I pretty much suck at being still. Well, I do sleep and I guess I am pretty still whilst sleeping...and occasional kick or flinch, but alseep I would say I am still. However, I have been informed that is a different state of conscience than meditating or being still, so it does not count.

The origin of my desire for stillness is from the current Bible study I am attending. The author of the study really seems to be into taking time to just be still and listen. Valid point, sounds great...except I am not a "still" person. Yes, that makes me sound like have adult ADHD (not that there is anything wrong with that). However, I do not. I have a laser like focus. I just can not empty my mind and just be still. I have lists that pop in my head. I have journal entries that start to write themselves. And I have a cat that wants to sit on my lap when I am still. Honestly, I would love to watch someone meditating and see what the trick to stillness may be. It sounds delightful to just open one's mind and let everything just breeze out for awhile. I am practicing, but as mentioned, I am writing this now...not in a meditative state. Although if my verb agreement is bad, then it is because I am in a transcendental state.

The biggest issue I have with stopping and being still is it seems impossible. It is not. I know many people who practice being still. They are wonderful, and they have a very peaceful energy that surrounds them. No one has ever noted how peaceful the energy around me is...ever. No, peaceful is not one of my discriptors. I get called organized and focused, which are very kind ways to say I have control issues. True, and I get things done. No one ever wonders if I will follow through with anything. My control issues will not let me be a slacker. Nor will those pesky control issues let me be still and meditate. However, I am working toward being peaceful. Sure, not today. Tomorrow I will try again to be still and find that inner peace that some achieve. Perhaps that is where my laser focus can help me. Or not.

Lazy Monday: a rare gem

Today was a rare and special day. A Monday when no one worked or went to school. If it were not for my brother calling before 9 am and waking me up (thanks Adam), I may have slept the day away. Normally I admonish such activities as slothful, lazy, and a complete waste of time. Today, it felt right. The hungry, hungry, greyhound did not even wake up before the call. So if Ninja did not have a problem with sleeping in, it must have been the right thing to do. I always claim we are not "that family", the one with a crazy schedule and people running around all the time. It's a complete lie. I just looked at our calendar, more days than not one of us has something we need to do, or drive to, or plan. My new plan is to plan more super lazy days for this family. And call my brother to let him know not to call before noon on that day.

Five of Friday

My reward for publishing so much of my writing this week is my equivalent of Short Attention Span Theater. Just five wild observations, feelings, reflections, or just utter silliness. My challenge is getting to number five. Zero premeditation on this post. Here she flies...

1. High heels are a girl's best friend and worst enemy. I love heels. L O V E them. I like to be extra tall. I like how a great heel can make a whole outfit. It is not even that I care what anyone else thinks, I like the look, for my own personal joy. I hate, H A T E, how horrible my feet feel after wearing my favorite shoes and boots. The burning, searing pain, that comes from walking, dancing, heck...even just standing in those beauties, is torture. Love, hate, love to hate, hate to love so much. Inner turmoil comes in many forms.
2. Sweet pickles are a waste of time. That is right, I have opinions on such mundane things as components of relish trays. Dill and hot & spicy pickles are my favorites. I still have a jar of sweet pickles in the back of my refrigerator. Someone brought them to our home at least 5 years ago, and I still have them. I figure the pickles will not go bad, and someday someone who likes sweet pickles may show up at my house. That day has not happened yet.
3. Two odd secrets. I secretly like ironing. Well, now the cat is out of the bag. It is a very satisfying process. Making a rumpled piece of clothing smooth and warm and fabulous is the bomb. Maybe I am more of a domestic diva than I admit. I also make my bed everyday. It sets the tone for the day, and is a simple thing that makes the whole bedroom look better.
4. Fears. Ha. You thought I was going to list my greatest fears. Not going to happen. The secrets were enough for today. Needless to say we all have fears and anyone who says they have no fears...well they fear "fear" itself. And that, my enlightened readers is terrifying.
5. Weekends should be relaxing. That being said, just in front of me is my jam packed weekend schedule. Thank goodness we have Monday off this next week. This crew will need that day for recovery. I am not a huge sleeping in person, but one day a week it is wonderful to not wake up to an alarm clock. That day will be Monday...so I am grateful for that small blessing.

Have a great weekend, busy or preferably not busy.

Live. Love. Laugh.

The Blessings of Age

The New Year always brings a new year to my age. It is the blessing of being born on January 1st. Trust me there are very few other perks to having a holiday birthday. I am one year short of a significant birthday. I define "significant" as a number that ends in 0 or 5, all the other years are just birthdays...okay 21 was pretty significant, but that is certainly not my next big day. So anyway, I am approaching a significant age, and I oddly feel more youthful than I have in years. I never have felt old, well if I am sick then I feel old, otherwise I pretty much always feel about 27 years old. Why 27? Who knows, just liked that age. Lately I have been very energized and positive about life in general. Why I attribute this to feeling young, I do not know. Perhaps such confidence and vigor should be credited to life experience. I know for a fact if someone gave me a magical potion that could make me 27 again, I would not take it. Seriously. Even though the hair color would be all natural, the crows feet would be non-existent, and body would be rockin'...I am staying in the here and now. I feel like the best is yet to come, and I say that while relishing the present. My kids are fabulous, not perfect, but perfectly normal. My spouse is the whole package, handsome, hardworking, and hilarious. Really that is all a girl can ask for, except I have won some kind of powerball lottery in life, because I have amazing friends. They are the kind of people that are there no matter what. Honestly, if I broke my leg or was for some reason bedridden my friends would literally take care of me. How lucky? Insanely. Beyond blessed to have that kind of love and devotion from people that are not even related to me. Somedays it just occurs me that I have more than I deserve in the love and caring department. It also inspires me to put that love and positivity back out there. Not just to my friends and family, but to the world. So as I'm approaching a significant birthday, I am realizing that the most significant thing in life is the people we choose to welcome into our lives. When I was 27, I had no clue. So I will keep what I have and keep building.

The Stuff People Do in Cars

This morning I was taking a walk, organizing my thoughts, planning the attack plan for my day, and getting some excercise. I know that I should use the time to clear my mind, but you don't live I this brain so reserve judgement. Anyway what I observed people doing in there vehicles whilst driving made my walking mental jungle gym look like nothing at all. The crazy stuff people do while driving in thousands of pounds of metal with a gas combustion engine blows my mind. Let me also add a portion of my walk is along a fairly heavily traveled 45 mph suburban road, so this is not just going 20 mph in the subdivision stuff.

Here are some examples....

1. Eating food with utensils. I saw three different people driving and spooning food into their mouths. The other hand holding a cup and the steering wheel simultaneously. I get it, they are busy, hungry, and late. We have all been there. Can't they pick a food choice that is more simple? Why not a breakfast bar? That is a food begging to be eaten on the go. You should not bring a spoon or fork into the driver seat with you. Imagine stopping short and lodging that down your throat...not good. Now imagine what the paramedics are going be saying about you as they cart you to the hospital. Seriously, lets think the eating and driving thing through.
2. Reading. Yes, reading. At a stop light some guy picked up his morning paper from the passenger seat, laid it across the steering wheel and read at the light. I know, he was stopped. However, what is so interesting that he can not bear to sit at a light just waiting for the minute or whatever that it is red? Have we as a society become so short attention spanned that a traffic light is now "wasted time" that requires filling? The newspaper is a special moment for me. I would not like the distraction of having to stop reading to start driving. However, that may just reflect my priorities.
3. Make-up application. Sorry sisters, do not put your face on while driving, the reasons are plentiful. It is not optimal lighting, so the results are not going be stellar. Also it is a single focus thing, you can not see the road and look up and to the left to get your eye liner on just right. Please also take into account that mascara wands are not something you want jammed into your eye. You only get two eyes in this life...or so I have been told. Don't stupidly poke one out doing 45 mph with some darkest brown lengthening mascara. Just one person's opinion.
4. Texting. Okay, on this one I should add phone talking too, but I am guilty of the "talk and drive". However, I can see the road and talk at the same time...but I'm aware some conversations can be distracting. Okay driving texters, I feel your pain and temptation. I too am tempted to check my phone when the "text beep" sounds. I have the funny friend who always sends a funny comment or story and it begs a quick witty response. However, a person can not drive, see the road, and type a witty response all at once. Its is just not wise or safe. Confession: I have, on several occasions, thrown my phone to my third row of seating when the text beep comes through. I am too weak not to take a peak. Others need to be as wise, and have as good of an arm.

Driving is not a multi-task activity. Our minds are already geared with so many distracting thoughts, the food, newspapers, grooming, and phones really do not need to add to the "noise" that being human already generates. Keep it safe and I will work on zero phone usage in the car. Promise.

Winter Blues and Greys

As a lifelong Michiganian I am quite disappointed by the lack of snow on the ground this year. Honestly, snow is a special gift that I love to love and by the beginning of March, love to hate. The special relationship I have with snow is strained because I have not shoveled one single flake since...well I can not recall. It had to be sometime in the beginning of 2011. It is sad really. The kids are bummed about it. It just looks dead and grey outside. Sure the sky is a vivid blue and the sun is shining, but with no bright white snow on the ground to light up the whole of the outdoors. Yes, I am waxing poetic about snow, well the lack of it really. I like to shovel. I love to walk the dog through the snow. I love to see the snow forts my kids make. I even like to drive in the snow. I feel somewhat abandon by my lovely, white, flakey, frosty friend. The seasonal changes are my favorite thing about the marvelous mitten that is Michigan. It is Michigan's charm, the feather in her cap, if you will, is her wily weather. I miss her wily ways. I need some snow. I want snow. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and in this case it is true. I can not think of one bad thing to say about snow. It's pretty. It makes the whole outside look magical. And I miss it, so much. I am going to research some snow dances and rituals that will help lure some much missed flakes to my part of the world. Let there be snow!

Re-entry

I must completely endorse taking a couple days of "just for you time". My weekend with my girlfriends was BEYOND wonderful. I can not say we did anything extreme or crazy...well aside from not doing laundry or cooking a meal. Talking, shopping (not crazy, mostly looking), a comedy show, and fun dinners & drinks. Honestly, so simple and so lovely, and so temporary.

Now I must share that re-entry into domestic life has been sudden and harsh. I love my husband and kids...they are precious. They also are completely confounded by the most basic of household operations. Here are a few of the most confusing things about our household.

1. The dishwasher is next to the kitchen sink. This is clearly too close for easy use. I left it empty and unlocked, this also seemed to make people believe it was broken or somehow not able to accept dirty dishes. Whatever the issue was I found that the dishes slipped quite easily into the machine upon my return.
2. The magical chute for clothing located in the bathroom. Yes, there is a special chute that takes dirty clothes from the upstairs to the basement where a magical 5'8" elf makes it clean again. Somehow, dirty clothing is too heavy to make it off the bedroom floors in this house. It seems especially challenging for my daughter, who has a room right next to the room with the magical chute for clothing. I may have to look into a strength training regime for her.
3. The magical 5'8" elf is not always in the basement doing laundry. Sometimes she is in Chicago

Today, I am household recovery mode. It is all worth it. I would not trade my life with anyone. Do I complain? Yes, I am human. I also completely celebrate that I have 3 humans, 1 cat, 1 dog, and a fish that need me to function. I will continue to try clear up all the "confusing" things that exist in our house, sometimes in a raised voice. Good, bad, or ugly, re-entry has happened, and I am okay with it...really, I am.